We left off with Austen Kroll not so coyly asking Shep Rose to define “Hooked up,” leaving Southern Charm fans no other choice but to assume the Charlotte native had kissed Taylor Ann Green after months of bombastic side eye.
Episode 5 showed the Charleston Playboy, attempting to brush all the little nasties under the rug – like a good Southern gentleman – and host a proper Southern dinner for his nearest and dearest.
Olivia Flowers finally learns the truth from Taylor about what happened with Austen, and naturally, the Trop Hop brewer gets boiled alive. Here’s everything that went down in Southern Charm Season 9, Episode 5: “Party Fowl.”
Where’s the boundary?
Shep, usually the protagonist in the series, has found a way to make literally every viewer empathize with his plight. Even though he and Taylor are no more, it is clear that the trust fund kid still has feelings for his ex, breathing out, “This is so confusing. Kissing turns into – we know what kissing is. Come on.” Austen is not doing himself any favors by using his Trump fingers to refocus Shep’s eye. All we can say is liar, liar, pants on fire! Shep emotionally asks, “Where’s the boundary? Wives with families? Is that where we draw the line?”
Even though Shep is having a breakdown, he is also having a breakthrough as he notes how he loves women, saying, “It gets me in trouble every time. I want f*cking this one, that one, but like, I know where the line is.” Viewers and Shep alike are asking one crucial question – how does a kiss end at kiss with this group?
Detective Craig Conover, who is stealthy listening in the butler’s kitchen, deduces, “No one stops at kissing; there was physical contact, so they probably kissed and said, are we going to do this or not?” God, I love Craig. Meanwhile, Austen doubles down, saying, “Taylor and I did not hook up. I know it’s not good in any sort of way.” By God, he sounds like Bill Clinton; I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Sure, Austen, we believe you.
A game of telephone
Austen also claimed that at the time he was getting close to Taylor, he and Olivia were not on speaking terms. It seems JT Thomas was right all along. Austen finally breaks down, telling Shep, “It was in a moment, a time of like so much confusion for both of us.” Austen is literally the most selfish man; he doesn’t even think of anyone else’s feelings. According to Shep, Austen is a taker who always will put himself first.
But somehow, Shep is still hoodwinked – telling Austen he doesn’t want to lose him as a friend. Umm, maybe I’m wrong here, but Austen has been a terrible friend and has a loooonnngg history of stealing Shep’s women. Evidently, whiskey fixes all. I can’t; I just can’t with these clowns.
The charmers are shocked … sort of
After the Spanish Inquisition ended, word traveled fast back to the rest of the cast, with Craig spilling the tea to JT, who rightfully noted, “He lied to us.” JT is still harping on about the bro-code being breached. But it looks like Shep may have forgiven with a motive. As Craig points out, now the slate is technically clean between Taylor and her ex. Where is the moral line here, guys!? Venita Aspen sipped wine and almost spat it out on the Charles’ teal tail when Madison LeCroy relayed the message.
Olivia quickly acknowledged to Leva Bonaparte that there was a significant disconnect. In an eerie foreshadowing moment, Olivia shares she is making an active decision to believe Taylor, unaware that everyone already knows Austen revealed what happened.
White gloves and fowl moods
The party started out cheery enough but soon took a tumble, proving Shep isn’t the greatest of hosts. Shep is trying his best to celebrate with people who have wronged him but that just isn’t a healthy move. We should have known it was going to be an emotional night when Shep cried over the reunion with Little Craig and Taylor so it wasn’t surprising to see him sit down with Taylor who again clarified, “It was a kiss not a hookup, there is a difference.”
Sadly the causality of the night was Olivia. By ratting Taylor out Austen feels liberated while leaving Taylor feeling betrayed. The news of the kiss blindsided Olivia as it felt like Taylor was kicking her friend while she was already down. A drunken kiss or not – this right here doesn’t feel good. At least Austen kept to his traditional ways of clucking about like a chicken with his head cut off denying any responsibility. Again, I question, how do women find this cretin attractive?
Southern Charm Season 9 airs Thursday at 9/8c on Bravo.
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