The fourth episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County aired last night as Tamra Sue continued her televised attempts at sticking it to her ex Simon, you know, just incase he missed that whole soft-core porn scene from last week. Also, Vicki continued to make Tamra pay for her crimes from last season, while Gretchen once again ponders marrying Slade. All that was missing was Gretchen bringing up the princess comment again and this episode would have been complete with issues that no longer need to be revisited.
We start out with Tamra in a limo as she prepares to pick up Vicki for their Cabo trip. Tamra calls beau Eddie on the phone, who is probably still hung over from having to down a bottle of wine in other to get into the bathtub with her last week. Tamra reveals she feels a bit nervous about the trip due to the negative things she said about Vicki last season. Bravo pans back to some of that footage, and while I think Tamra is undoubtedly a two faced snake, I do feel she said most of what she said about Vicki in other to appease to her then hubby Simon, who of course hated Vicki.
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Tamra assures us she went all out and got a great hotel for both her and Vicki on Bravo’s dime. Vicki joins Tamra Sue in the limo, and proceeds to do what she does best, which is making certain the world is aware of just how hard she works. And geez, we get it Vicki. No one works as hard as you!
A slightly hung over Gretchen and Alexis meet up for lunch. Gretchen reveals her parents’ 40th anniversary is coming up which of course leads to a convo about Slade. Gretchen believes the failure of her first marriage is the reason she is hesitant to marry Slade, and not at all because he is a deadbeat with a suspended driver’s license who owes over $138k in child support. Gretchen brings up having a lease with Slade once again, and Alexis, who would have been the perfect candidate for a lease instead of a marriage, speaks against it. Alexis reveals she was also married before in trying to talk Gretchen out of her fear of another divorce, and then seems to have a little slip. “I mean it could happen again G. I could get divorced again,” states Alexis. Whoa! Interesting slip of the tongue there no?
Vicki and Tamra arrive in Cabo to a very posh hotel suite. Right away, Vicki brings up Tamra’s past two-faced actions as she decides to take the big room as a means of punishing Tamra. The two then proceed to get their Cabo party started by doing shots alone in their hotel room.
It seems Alexis has been hanging around mogul Gretchen for too long, as she is now trying to build her own empire, starting with a clothing line. Alexis claims to have been a career woman all her life minus those short 6 years she took off to be a wife and a mother. By the way, Alexis is only 33. Alexis promises her clothing line will be elegant and sexy, you know, just like her. In her interview, Tamra pokes fun at Alexis stating her line must be for the “anorexic with big tits.” And I ponder, aren’t Alexis and Tamra supposed to be friends? That was a rhetorical question by the way as Tamra doesn’t know the meaning of the word friend. Alexis reveals hubby Jim is fronting the money for the line but fret not as she would never let her business come in between her marriage. In fact, Alexis makes it clear the minute the “dress line” starts to interfere with Jim or the kids, her daddy Jim will yank it away from her! You know, because surely Jim’s job in doing whatever it is he does never interferes with his family. Seems like mama needs another drink and a new husband.
We see Peggy at home as she sits for an interview to talk about her troubles with postpartum depression. Peggy reveals she’s been suffering from the disease for three years, and that it started as soon as her first child London was born. Peggy adds that at her lowest point, she actually contemplated suicide. Peggy goes on to credit her mother-in-law with helping her to get better with holistic treatments. No snarkiness here – kudos to Peggy for opening up about an important health problem.
Next, Tamra along with Vicki, who might or might not have been attempting to use food to fill up her love tank, head out on another date. Vicki wants to do something special, and by something special, she wants Donn Tamra to write her friendship vows and read it to her in a ceremony the next day. Tamra laughs except Vicki is dead serious. “No, I’m very serious. I’m very needy and insecure, and need the constant reassurance,” says Vicki. Okay, perhaps she didn’t use those exact words but she might as well have. The topic turns to Donn, and Vicki admits things are not great, as the two do not spend enough time together. Vicki also admits it’s more of her fault. The server brings the ladies some fish eyeballs to eat, Vicki does her best dog impersonation, and they toast the night away.
Gretchen is out eating with Donn, oh wait, her dad as she reveals she is planning a huge surprise for his vow renewal. Me thinks Gretchen might want to think twice as that whole renewal thingy didn’t turn out so great for Vicki. The topic then turns to Slade, as Gretchen seeks her father’s approval and validation with the deadbeat. Gretchen continues to display her high IQ, when she reveals she is contemplating making babies with Slade aka going bye bye to child support for good. Gretchen informs her dad this will be done with just a lease agreement, bypassing a marriage. It starts to become increasingly obvious that Gretchen’s dad doesn’t approve of her slimy boyfriend as he makes some jokes and gives his daughter some not so subtle warnings. And seriously, what father in their right mind would hand over their daughter to Slade?
Back in Cabo, Tamra and Vicki sit poolside for some TMI girl talk. The two order drinks, feed each other grapes, before the topic turns to Simon and their “hiccup” from last year. Over it! The server brings over some food for the ladies while Vicki, who must have a fetish for spit in her food, proceeds to proclaim the food is nasty in front of the server. The topic then turns to Eddie, and Tamra wants Simon the world to know she is having awesome 5-hour energy fun sex sessions with Eddie but not without Lady Gaga playing in the background. So let’s tally this up. Eddie needed to down a glass of wine to get into the bathtub with a naked Tamra, and loves getting it on to Lady Gaga playing in the background? Okay, moving right along. As if that wasn’t enough, Tamra Sue proceeds to talk vaginal rejuvenation, and like Vicki, I am ready to vomit.
Peggy and her hubby Micah decide to take a trip together as a family unit. And unlike Jim Bellino, Micah actually helps out his wife and appears to enjoy being around the children he created. Peggy reveals her hubby bought her a Bentley as a “push out” gift for birthing his babies, though that money might have been better used on a little thing called mortgage payments. The family heads to the pool and their youngest accidentally cuts her finger. Peggy fur-reaks while Micah attempts to calm the situation. Capri is taken to see a doctor and all is well. Must say, in watching Peggy and Micah together, it’s easy to see while Alexis would be totally not jealous of her friend at all.
Vicki and Tamra continue to whoop it up in Cabo, while Tamra proceeds to do her best girls gone wild imitation. The 44-year-old mother of four decides to do some body shots with some perfect strangers on national television. “Body shots!” yells out Tamra while for some reason, Vicki pretends to be above it all. Odd, considering Vicki is no stranger to kissing college boys on the lips, kissing fellow housewives on the lips, or getting tattoos in public bars. Perhaps Vicki was on her best behavior due to the presence of Fake Donn in the pool, though unlike the real Donn, Fake Donn has the hots for Vicki and wouldn’t mind filling up her love tank. Vicki seems to decline his advances, and the party rages on as the group continue to celebrate their midlife crisis.
With spring break winding down, Vicki and Tamra do a final dinner in Cabo. And unfortunately for Tamra, she continues to pay the price for Vicki’s parents not giving her enough attention or validation while growing up. Vicki turns to Tamra and inquires about their friendship vows… seriously. Poor Tamra is forced to wing it, and at this point, I’m even starting to feel bad for Tamra Sue. Tamra rambles on about their friendship for a while until Vicki appears to be satisfied. “I’ve totally forgiven Tamra. Bygones be bygones,” states Vicki. And just in case those vows weren’t enough, Tamra goes one step further and threatens to bitch slap Alexis if she ever tries to attack her Vicki. And I ask again, aren’t Tamra and Alexis supposed to be friends? You know what they say, once a snake…
The show ends, and it seems there will be fireworks next week as all the ladies come together for an event put together by Bravo in hopes in igniting some fireworks. We will also discover whether or not Tamra Sue has dabbled in the “vagina pool.” Oh the anticipation. Watch What Happens Live did not air last night as Andy Cohen is on vaca. The show returns on Wednesday following the finale of Top Chef.
TELL US – THOUGHTS ON THE RECAP? WHAT DO YOU AGREE WITH OR DISAGREE WITH? AND THOUGHTS ON LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE?
