Sometimes you watch an episode of Real Housewives and your reaction is: WTF. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County fell into that category.
Lizzie Rovsek tried to have an elegant dinner party for her classy TV friends, except she didn’t have any classy TV friends to invite so she just stuck with her co-stars. Lizzie decorated her parent’s beach house with a beautiful table setting and hired fire dancers to perform. Her husband Christian made a lovely toast, the food looked delicious, and the drinks stiff. But it was the company… oh it’s that bad company that gets you in trouble every time!
Before we get to another one of Bravo’s dinner parties from hell, lets backtrack. A Few Days Before…
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Heather Dubrow and sycophant husband Terry meet Vicki Gunvalson and Brooks for dinner. Vicki is back from Mexico. Side note: Why does Vicki’s face look fabulous in her interview segments and terrible in certain scenes? I think she had Terry do a little ‘de-botching’ at some point and it looks much better in ‘real time’.
Heather’s involvement in Shannon Beador‘s marriage immediately comes up. Since the new Vicki is all about therapy-izing everyone she expected Heather to have compassion for Shannon. Heather is on the defensive – her pedestal of perfection – because in her mind she does nothing wrong. Heather pulls out from her personal arsenal of weaponry the finger point (does she have a concealed carry permit for that thing?!) which she waggles with determination, force, and intimidation. Vicki has her own weapon however, she no longer wants to suck up to Heather’s illusion of fancy pants-ery.
Heather makes a lot of excuses, then resorts to complaining that Vicki is supposed to be her friend, not Shannon’s. Heather is disappointed Vicki would believe the worst of her. Heather says she invited Shannon in and offered her a drink when she arrived – in the middle of a raining night – begging for solace like it was a convent for the wayward wealthy drunks with holistic hypocrisies and $500 hair cuts. She claims Shannon went nuts; blaming her for everything. What Heather neglected to mention is that she is the one who got hostile with Shannon first – and that Shannon actually apologized to Heather for “yelling” at her during the Christmas party. Do you think Heather accepted that apology? It’s as if it never happened.
Is Tamra Barney‘s bad influence rubbing off on Heather? Heather seems quite content to twist the truth this season and, furthermore she seems quite invested in starting drama and conveniently forgetting her own role in that drama.
Vicki admits she had only heard Heather had “evil in her eyes” and threw Shannon out. Heather wonders why no one is angry at Tamra? This episode is basically a series of these ladies turning on each other, each one trying to squirm out from under blame. There are no loyalties here – not even a notion of one.
Shannon and David do what they do best: getting drunk together and pretending everything is fine. Their daughter Sophie is taking a trip to Italy with her Latin class and David will chaperone. Shannon has already installed a nanny cam in David’s suitcase and placed a tracing device on his passport lest he decide to take off with some saucy Italian lady who can hold her wine and her whining.
Tamra visits Vicki at work where they strategize on what to do over the matter of Shannon and Heather. But before that, we must discuss the matter of taking time out of a busy day to “use the potty” – something Vicki and Tamra both profess to hate. They’re too busy to pee! We know Vicki hates going potty. We all remember Pissy Gunderpants on Tamra’s bed last season. #MarkYourTamratory
Tamra is concerned about Heather and Shannon being in the same room together at Lizzie’s party. Both Tamra and Vicki can agree that Heather is the one who is to blame for the situation as she’s the one that leaked the information out of context – and has no empathy for Shannon’s situation. It’s because Heather’s marriage is so perfect; she rules Terry who fears a life without beer or onion rings if he defies her.
On the way to Lizzie’s, Shannon reveals she is bothered by something Tamra said (who isn’t?!) – Tamra reportedly told Shannon that Terry is threatening to “take the Beadors down” – and Shannon wants confirmation that it was said. At first I thought Shannon had been cosying up to her BFF vodka and imagining things. At first I thought Terry might have meant take the Beadors down to the wine cellar. Or the beach. Or for a ride in the elevator at their French Chateau (do they even have one of those?).
But no – he meant take them down Chuck Norris style. Like Terry Dubrow is so cold, when water sees him it turns to ice.
Shannon immediately confronts Tamra, who denies it and claims Terry would never say something like that. But Heather would. Why is Tamra not using the Vicki Gunvalson 1-800-do-not-do-something-stupid-hotline?!
Shannon, confused, and possibly wondering if someone slipped something into her vodka soda, decides to drop it. Across the party Heather is complaining that Shannon yelled at her at the Christmas party. This is going to become Heather’s scapegoat for everything. Heather ran over Shannon’s cat – but Shannon YELLED AT HER at a Christmas party. Heather put a flaming bag of dog poop in Shannon’s foyer, but Shannon yelled at her that one time! Heather shoved Shannon over the balcony at Bergdorf’s, but Shannon yelled at her that one time.
Dinner happens and despite Shannon feeling upset, she keeps her manners together. Everyone’s husband is sharing their partner’s favorite body part; Brooks first says he loves Vicki’s brain (it’s how she makes alllll that glorious money he’s spending!), then he recants and says her vagina, which Vicki boasts is tight and right. EWWWW… everyone gasps at Brooks uttering the word vagina. Not in polite company! Oh wait…
Of course things can’t stay fun. Lizzie has carefully arranged place settings to keep Shannon and Heather apart, but Tamra is in the middle and decides to ask Terry if he ever said he wanted to take the Beadors down. Things explode. Terry and Heather start ranting, Heather keeps blaming Shannon for yelling at her, Shannon gets defensive, David gets defensive. Vicki examines her salmon. Tamra states that she’s not a liar, but Shannon is.
Vicki informs us that Tamra, in fact, also told her that Terry said that. Still Vicki doesn’t want to get involved. She finally has people willing to socialize with Brooks, so she’s staying out of it.
Tamra claims she never lies. Never ever. Shannon skulks away to the bathroom to cry in a vodka. Tamra pulls Heather out to the balcony where Heather complains that Shannon yelled at her and continuously state that Tamra doesn’t lie. She doesn’t? “I’ve known Tamra for three months, and she has lied,” Shannon reminds us.
Lizzie is perplexed about how this happened. She astutely points out that Tamra is the one who is the source of the rumor; the source of Shannon and Heather’s animosity – the source of all the problems – including ruining this lovely dinner party before dessert was served. All roads of trouble lead back to Tamra. Lizzie is onto Tamra. But Heather is sticking to her story that Tamra is a teller of truths and her friend. So the new girls, Shannon and Lizzie, have Tamra pegged as a lying manipulator immediately. But Heather doesn’t? C’mon Heather – you’re smarter than this.
Tamra pulls David out to the balcony to admit that she did tell Heather about the email – out of compassion for Shannon. Then Heather admits to repeating it, but she was just trying to explain to her friends about why things were so terse with Shannon and why Shannon YELLED AT HER. She never meant to be a gossip. She’s certainly not the type of person who would ever be duplicitous. As for throwing Shannon out of her house, well that never happened. Heather simply asked Shannon to leave as to not upset her children. Basically, Heather did nothing wrong and Shannon is to blame for everything – because she yelled at Heather at the Christmas party.
Eddie wanders out on Vicki’s insistence to supervise. “You married her,” Vicki quips. “You knew what you were getting into.” When Terry tries to drag Eddie into it, he leans against the balcony looking disgusted. “I am not getting involved,” he retorts. Eddie is so done with this – he has checked out of Drama Sue.
Shannon confronts Heather about lying, twisting her words, and trying to “spin” this on her. Then snaps into a full-scale meltdown. It was Kelly Bensimon proportions of flipped out. Where’s the tranquilizer gun jelly beans?! Lizzie tries to get her to calm down, but Shannon is uproarious over Heather throwing her out of her house and now denying it. Tamra keeps trying to hold Shannon down and shush in her face, which is making things worse. David is trying to stop her from leaping over the balcony. This is turning into Dynasty – I was thinking Shannon might push Tamra over the balcony! And a house might fall on her head?!
“You guys will all see the truth! You will all see the f—ing truth!” Shannon shrieks before storming out.
Can Heather EVER take accountability for anything? Just once? Ever? See at first I thought Shannon was crazy. But now I’m just astounded at how good of liars Tamra and Heather are. I don’t think Shannon is crazy – I think Tamra and Heather are professional liars and victims but Shannon isn’t savvy enough at playing their game. And I think Tamra told Shannon Terry threatened to take the Beadors down.
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
TELL US – IS SHANNON CRAZY OR ARE TAMRA AND HEATHER LIARS? SHOULD VICKI HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED?
