Princesses: Long Island continues to be a train wreck of epic proportions.
This week, Amanda Bertoncini and Joey Lauren hawk their "ticket to easy street" inventions, the Drink Hanky and Kissamint, and Ashlee White thinks she's adorable when she drops $5300 of her daddy's money on high heels.
Meanwhile, "independamint" Chanel Coco Omari "spontinuitly" decides that Erica Gimbel needs some "interventioning" and "inspirational magnet" Casey Cohen and her "B-Mercedes-W" agree to assist.
Huh? Exactly! Twitchy's above facial expression perfectly captures how I look and feel throughout each and every episode of this ridiculous show.
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First, Amanda surprises Chanel with a night out on the town, hoping to help her forget about her douche bag ex-boyfriend. Erica is also in on this plan but she's currently MIA. Nevertheless, Amanda and Chanel giggle and run up to Chanel's bedroom (in mommy and daddy's house) and Amanda sits among the teddy bears (probably looking at Tiger Beat magazine) while Chanel fixes her hair and makeup and squeezes into a dress.
Chanel and Amanda have a great time at the club despite the fact that Erica flakes out on them. She eventually texts a story about being stuck on the toilet; however, neither Chanel nor Amanda believes her. Amanda wonders if Erica is suffering from guilt following last week's drunken bathroom activities with a strange man. Chanel thinks about what a shitty friend (pun intended) Erica is.
Next, Erica manages sobriety and/or bowel control long enough to meet up with Rob to talk about the status of their relationship. Apparently, Twitchy wants time to herself, but time apart leaves Rob feeling insecure about the constant attention she receives from other guys. Erica reminds Rob that she's a "very pretty" girl. Rob adds, "I'm also upset about the fact that you're unaffectionate and completely disregard my feelings," to which Erica says, "You're so needy and smothering."
From here, Rob points out that she drinks too much, and Erica yawns. Rob says that he wants to settle down; Erica yawns. Finally, Rob asks what's next, and Erica informs him that she plans to get something to eat and go to bed early to prepare for her super taxing manicure the next day. The doomed couple hugs it out. Rob says, "I love you," to which Erica says, "Alright. (long pause) I love you too. (long pause) Sometimes." Um. Wow. I can't help but to think that Rob would be better off with either Chanel or Joey.
The next morning, Chanel, Ashlee, Casey, Amanda, and Joey meet for brunch, and Amanda's obnoxious HELLLOOOs and OMGODDDs make me want to turn the channel. (must recap, don't touch the remote, must recap) Chanel and Amanda immediately let the others know that Erica never showed the night before. This personally offends Casey. Naturally. The group proceeds to talk about Erica's drinking problem.
Chanel comes to the conclusion that Erica needs an intervention, adding, "If all of us are not going to talk to Erica about her drinking problem, then it's got to be Casey and me." In what universe does that make sense? Casey toots her own horn, talking about how selfless she is, but then she says, "If I tell Erica to get help and she doesn't do it, I'll be very offended. If she doesn't listen to me, I'm going to get upset." Both Joey and Amanda realize that Casey is the last person who should confront Erica about her drinking but they keep their opinions to themselves.
Next, Amanda unveils the most revolutionary invention since electricity, the Drink Hanky. Like, it's beverage couture, yo. Amanda's male, gay best friend (so she obviously has a type) joins her for a super serious business meeting in her childhood bedroom in her mother's house. Ilton chants "ay, ay, ay" while Amanda puts on her "boss" hat, and then they start to discuss seasonal looks for the Drink Hanky. BWAHAHA. Does this chick honestly expect us to take her seriously right now? Later, the dynamic duo stage a photo shoot in the park, relying on Amanda's "spontinuity" as inspiration. I can't with this fabric koozie.
Joey meets with a troll-like man to talk about her product/business venture, Kissamint. Joey refers to him as a marketing genius but he comes across as a creepy, sexist jerk. Troll wants to brand Kissamint, a lip balm/mouth freshener combo, as sex in a stick. Joey disagrees. "I don't want it to be sexual," she says. "This is really for the 'independamint' woman. I don't want Kissamint to turn into F–Kamint." Joey acknowledges that this meeting is awkward – but a necessary evil as this business is her "ticket out of Freeport" and she admits that she has no back-up plan. Later, Joey butts head with her dad, who think she is taking too long getting Kissamint up and running.
Next, Ashlee, with Daddy's credit card, and Casey, with half her head braided, meet at a shoe store. These two just met but became instant BFFs. Casey shares that she wants to fold Ashlee up and carry her around in her pocket. I'd rather drop kick her to Mars. Casey strokes the little one's ego so much that Ashlee likens her to an inspirational refrigerator magnet. Ashlee proceeds to charge $5375.85 to Daddy's credit card for six pairs of high heels. Later, Ashlee goes on a date, but the perfectly normal guy's "Jesus paraphernalia" makes her uncomfortable. I can't imagine why she's still single.
Finally, Casey and Chanel are off to Erica's house in Casey's magic B-Mercedes-W (she drives a BMW but Bravo's cameras "follow" a Mercedes) for their little intervention. Erica introduces Casey to her parents. Mom is like, you seem familiar, and Casey is like, that's because your slut of a daughter f–ked my boyfriend in high school. Good times. Moving on, Erica takes Casey and Chanel to her bedroom, to talk.
Chanel starts, saying to Erica, "I love you. Nobody's perfect." Casey jumps in, then, adding that they're going to have babies soon and sometimes fat people don't lose weight because they eat too much junk food. To the camera, Erica says, "What the hell are they trying to say? I'm fat and pregnant?" Chanel continues, "We've all grown up in privileged homes and things are fairy tales and Candy Land," to which Casey adds, "Stars die in bath tubs. Things happen. You can die." OMG. These two SUCK at this.
Casey finally manages something kinda sorta related to alcoholism, saying to Erica, "What I saw in the Hamptons took me days to get over. (Casey hold onto something? No way!) I'm not saying I'm better than anybody but the behavior is child-like. I'm embarrassed for you." Chanel warns Erica that she could get "bitch slapped" by a "ghetto ass guy" out of nowhere. Casey suggests Erica crochet instead of drink. Erica eventually realizes that they're "interventioning" her and immediately walks them out of her house.
Erica and her mom agree that Casey is a stuck-up bitch. Then, Erica randomly yells, "YOLO, baby!" Well, that went well, no?
TELL US – YOUR THOUGHTS ON CASEY AND CHANEL ATTEMPT TO TALK TO ERICA? HOW ABOUT THAT DRINK HANKY AND KISSAMINT?
Photo credit: Bravo
