The Harry Potter book series has been an inspiration to many. The popular fantasy novels showcase the good, the bad, and the ugly, much like Vanderpump Rules. There are true heroes and villains who make up both worlds. While the SUR group doesn’t have magic powers, they are wizards at serving up goat cheese balls. Each cast member has their own distinct personality traits that the sorting hat will have to take into consideration when it comes to where to place them. Here are the Vanderpump Rules cast members sorted into their proper Hogwarts houses.
Stassi Schroder
The Queen of Mean is a hard one to place. However, I believe she would have been a perfect fit for Slytherin as they are known for their ambition, cunningness, heritage, and resourcefulness. Stassi Schroder is great when it comes to confrontation, much like her brother-in-arms, Draco Malfoy. She has come up against some big enemies, like Lisa Vanderpump and Jax Taylor, and has annihilated them all.
Stassi was also great at putting her friends and enemies in very uncomfortable situations. Who could forget how she stormed out of her own birthday party, leaving her best friends to pick up the tab? It’s such a villain move. Stassi was not known for handling situations gracefully and often mishandled constructive criticism. Stassi is also known for her torture tactics. “Literally want to take every fork and knife and just graze over his body until he slowly bleeds to death,” she once noted.
Scheana Shay
The Good as Gold singer would easily be sorted into Hufflepuff as she is hardworking, patient, loyal, and fair. Scheana Shay started off her SUR career as a meek outsider whom the other Vanderpump Rules cast members picked on, but over time, she waited them out and is now friends with most of them. Scheana has been known for only wanting peace and harmony for multiple seasons. I mean, look at how she stood up for Rachel Leviss last season.
While some of the other Vanderpump Rules gals feel Scheana can be disloyal, it is Scheana’s agreeability that makes her stand out from the crowd. The mother of one’s harmonious nature makes her a perfect fit for Hufflepuff.
Jax Taylor
This sort is beyond easy since the queen of Mean always had a King of Crazy within Jax. The bartender from hell would probably be a sidekick in Slytherin’s house, like Crabbe or Goyle. Jax would make himself right at home in the dungeon-adjacent common room and probably enjoy lunch dates with multiple Death Eaters. Jax, like most Slytherins, loves to be the center of the drama, which is usually not positive.
The mixologist is crafty and ambitious, as fans have learned over the years; the father of one started off modeling, then serving, then moved to reality TV—essentially, he is a jack of all trades. Slytherians are also known to be narcissistic with a hint of self-improvement. Just like Draco, Jax has moments of redemption, however fleeting.
Ariana Madix
This blonde beauty has all the traits of a Ravenclaw girl—Intelligence, knowledge, planning ahead, and wit. Ariana Madix entered the SUR group as an independent thinker who didn’t even let a sordid love triangle get in her way of moving on up. Ariana, who is close with Hufflepuff friend Scheana, is immune to the drama that goes on around her and is disinterested in dealing with any of the Witches of WeHo.
Even after Scandoval burst her love bubble during Season 10, Ariana knows exactly who she is as a woman, which translates to a strong sense of self. Ravenclaw is known as the smart house that values learning. With creatively motivated students, Ariana is a perfect fit since she is always seeking to learn more. Not only is she a bartender, but she is also an author, dancer, business owner, and influencer. Ariana is extremely logical and rational, as viewers saw, even when dealing with her breakup. For example, she still shares her home with Tom Sandoval due to finances. Only a Ravenclaw girl would think of the money and not of murdering her ex-lover.
Lala Kent
Ah, Lala Kent was a hard one to place. Some may have thought she deserved a spot in Slytherin, but I think she is more suited for Ravenclaw. Lala rarely succumbs to any sort of peer pressure and, like Ariana, fiercely trusts who she is as a person. Thanks to her young daughter, Lala is goal-oriented, trying to ensure her makeup business takes off. Ravenclaw pupils are great at coming up with innovative solutions to the problems they face.
Lala channels her self-expression through her creative side, such as her makeup company, and it doesn’t go unnoticed that she values originality from herself and those around her. Lala makes it her mission to stand out from the crowd, which can sometimes give off a sense of eccentricity. One thing is for sure—there is no one else quite like Lala.
Tom Schwartz
Again, some may want to see the all-mighty hat put Tom Schwartz into Slytherin with the rest of his buddies, but we are going to say Hufflepuff. Forgetting his last year and how he treated Katie Maloney, Tom is actually quite kind and meek. The famed house and its residents are known for their kind and selfless nature, often possessing a strong moral compass while rarely straying to the dark side. Tom has strayed a few times, but more often than not, he was a good dude, always a follower, never a leader.
Known for their humility, Hufflepuffs like Tom tend to stay away from the drama. This could explain why Tom never stuck up for Katie and often played the role of Switzerland in friend fights. Tom could easily be a proud badger.
James Kennedy
Since joining the Vanderpump Rules cast in Season 3, James Kennedy has gone from a possible Slytherin to a Gryffindor. James is loyal to a fault, even if it comes across as rude or mean to the person he is attacking. The DJ has no problem standing up for his friends. However, I do believe the sorting hat would have its work cut out for him with James, probably taking a minute or two to decide which house is best for him.
James could easily be sorted into Slytherin’s house thanks to his antics. Not all Slytherins are bad, as Snape so quickly proved. Some are trustworthy and want the best for those around them. I believe James would share the same traits as Harry Potter, giving the hat a run for its money. And I would also be willing to bet James would be able to speak parseltongue.
Tom Sandoval
Don’t shoot the messenger, but apart from Tom Sandoval’s affair, which is pretty normal in the outside world, the singer has some traits of a proud Gryffin. People sorted into Gryffindor are arrogant, nervy, adventurous, and brave all rolled into one. There have been more times than fans can count that show Tom as being arrogant, including thinking he can make up his own band and become a rockstar.
Like Gryffindors on the Quidditch pitch, Tom gives one hundred percent to anything he is doing, and it doesn’t matter if it is starting a new business or partaking in a cheating scandal- he is all in. Tom can also be seen as having no respect for rules, often coming off as self-righteous, which doesn’t always sit well with the people around him.
TELL US – HOW WOULD YOU SORT THE VANDERPUMP RULES CAST IF THEY WENT TO HOGWARTS?
