As the Real Housewives of New York opens, Ubah Hassan is meeting Erin Lichy at jewelry designer Jacob Arabo’s NYC shop. “Jacob is the jeweler to the stars,” Ubah says, “to the 1%.” Ubah has brought Erin here to pick out pieces to borrow for her upcoming tenth-anniversary party. Nice! Only rich people get to “borrow” expensive things they could probably afford to outright buy.
Meanwhile, Brynn Whitfield and Jessel Taank are in another store shopping for something pretty (and pricey) to wear to Erin’s party. “It’s honestly, my Disneyland,” Jessel says.
Brynn, who’s been engaged three times already, is having trouble finding the “one” she can settle down with. Rather than saying yes and breaking up with the poor guy down the road, one of the producers asks, “Why not just say no?”
“It’s easier to say yes,” she confesses. “You look in their eyes, and it’s very difficult to say no.”
But she’s still looking. She even went on a date the past week. Her unfortunate suitor took her to a party and she got bored, so she just left. She said she texted him when she got home and said, “Oops, I left.” I’m guessing he wasn’t the “one” either.
“I’m ready to settle down,” Brynn says in a confessional. “I can’t do this sh*t anymore. I’m old, I’m tired. I don’t want to date anymore, I don’t want to get to know people … I’m just ready to be married and old.” I’m thinking Brynn needs a good, old-fashioned arranged marriage. Here’s your husband. Let’s do the damn thing.
Here’s everything else that went down in Real Housewives of New York Season 14, Episode 6.
Erin and Abe’s (private) anniversary dinner
Later, Erin and Abe meet for a private anniversary dinner. Erin checks her coat with the hostess, but for some reason, Abe resists checking his jacket. Even though Erin’s not suspicious, I immediately am. Could Abe have something hidden in his pocket, like a present for Erin maybe? Hopefully, it’s something shiny with a lot of carats.
After placing their order, they launch into the New Yorkiest conversation ever about Uptown versus Downtown, which referred to the Upper East and Erin’s aversion to going “above Canal.” None of which made any sense to me, as I’ve never been to New York. It’s like they were speaking a foreign language.
Apparently, they’re writing their own vows. Sweet Abe tells Erin he’s had trouble writing his, since every time he starts writing, he tears up. Awwwww.
Erin says their relationship works because “we’re like opposites, but oddly similar: he’s more calm, I’m more crazy; he’s relaxed, I’m in overdrive. We have a really good balance. That’s why we work.” Erin admits that if they weren’t married, they’d be really good friends.
When the waitress delivers their starter, Abe decides he wants another drink, with a “big rock” this time, rather than crushed ice. Erin quips, “Ooh, I want a big rock, too.”
“You want a big rock?” Abe asks, followed by a dramatic pause. When his wife says she does actually, Abe waits just a beat before pulling a beautiful wooden box out of his jacket pocket. I knew it! And of course, it’s a ring with a diamond the size of a Ring Pop. And OMG, it’s absolutely gorgeous.
“Is that real?” Erin says, shocked. “I love you. Thank you!”
Jessel wants to send her twins to a pricey preschool
Jessel is under a deadline to get her 18-month-old twin sons’ applications in for the Montessori school. She tells her husband Pavit, “We have, like, less than two weeks to get these applications in.” The application process for preschool in New York is no joke.
She tells Pavit that she’s narrowed the search down to two schools. “I love this one,” she says, “because it’s international … They have campuses in Brazil, Sao Paulo, Hong Kong, New York.”
“All we care about is New York,” Pavit responds. “That’s where we live.” Good point.
“They teach in Mandarin, and they teach in Spanish,” Jessel continues, “so you’re, like, immersed in this language. Imagine. Our kids could speak Mandarin.” They’re two, Jessel. They don’t even speak English yet.
“But at the same time,” Pavit adds, “they … barely speak English right now.” See? Thank you.
“And the second one is a Montessori,” she adds, “which is actually kind of cool, because celebrities, tech entrepreneurs … It’s like a very, very high-profile school.”
“How about race car drivers?” Pavit kids.
Brushing his joke aside, Jessel pushes on and urges him to “take a look and see if this is, like, feasible.”
I’m assuming she was pointing to the cost of tuition on the computer screen because Pavit’s eyebrows went up to his hairline. “Are you crazy?! $62,000? For what, coloring? That is insane.”
“But look,” Jessel continues. “They give, um, materials, snacks, field trips. You get an iPad and you get an Apple Mac if you join the school.”
“Oh, great,” Pavit responds. “So you’re paying $62,000 for an iPad and a Mac. That’s ridiculous.”
Black marker on Sai’s white carpet
At Sai De Silva’s brownstone, her son Rio is using markers without supervision. Rookie move, Sai. Mommy should always keep custody of the markers, crayons – and most especially the Play-Doh – until she has time to supervise.
“I got very lucky with David,” Sai admits, while her spouse gets busy with the spot cleaner. “He’s always there for his kids … I’m actually jealous I didn’t have a father like that.”
After settling Rio with his markers at the marble kitchen island, David and Sai moved over to the seating area with their red wine to discuss Jessel and Erin’s conversation at the coffee shop.
“Apparently, Jessel and Erin got into it,” she tells David, as Rio blurts out “Cheese!” Does even Sai’s five-year-old know about Cheesegate?
Sai says she asked Jessel, “Why did you cry when someone called you ‘pampered?'”
“On top of taking care of twins,” David responds, “she’s starting [back to work] again … If someone was to call me out as pampered or this or that, and she’s juggling all this stuff, I might be pissed off, too.” And let’s not forget the stress of applying to expensive preschools.
“Think of how overwhelming her past year has been,” he continues. “I find it funny that the ladies come to you to discuss feelings. You have many strong suits, but a counselor is not one of those.”
Sai admits, “I have a tendency not to be so empathetic.”
“When someone opens up to you emotionally,” David laughs, “you tune them out. Amazing.”
No party for Ubah
Everyone’s excited about Abe and Erin’s party. Jenna Lyons has a friend over helping her pick out a fabulous outfit. Can we just see a little more Popeye (Jenna’s dog), please? Jessel is getting her hair and makeup done while sipping the glass of wine Pavit brought her. And Erin and Abe are relaxing with a snack before getting ready when suddenly the phone rings, and it’s Ubah.
Ubah has bad news. “So I picked my dress,” Ubah says. “I got my diamond. I ate because I was afraid you weren’t going to feed me … and I just took a Covid test … I’m so sorry.” Poor Ubah is sick. After getting all that bling for Erin to wear to her party, she won’t even be there to see it.
“I’m so sorry you can’t come,” Erin tells her. “I love you. I hope you feel so much better.”
Abe and Erin’s party goes down, but not without a hitch (or two)
The venue, Hall des Lumières, was absolutely gorgeous. Erin’s dress was beautiful, although the sideboob was a little much. It was borderline tacky.
Robert the diamond bodyguard arrived with her bling. “Maybe you’ll forget that I’m wearing them, and you’ll let me take them home,” she joked.
“I haven’t lost anything yet,” he laughed. “Are you gonna jinx me?”
When Brynn arrives, she tells Erin, “I have to meet your dad. I’m 100% hitting on your dad tonight.”
“Also there’s dudes everywhere,” she adds. “The place is crawling with dudes … Is this my birthday party?”
Oh, look! It’s Meredith Marks from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and her son, designer Brooks Marks. Crossover episode!
And of course, Brynn has to put the moves on Abe. “Now, once you’re ready to get a divorce,” she tells him, “I’m single. And we’re just gonna do a swap, right?”
“Wife-swapping, I think, happens after the 20-year anniversary,” Abe jokes.
“I’m patient, Abe,” Brynn says. “I’m patient … Whatever you do, don’t mess up [your vows] and say, ‘I take you, Brynn.'”
“It’s not you I’m interested in,” Brynn continues. “It’s actually Erin’s dad, ’cause then I’m Erin’s stepmom … and if I was Erin’s stepmom, I wouldn’t let her call me Brynn, you know? I’d be like, ‘No, you have to call me Mom now.'”
“I’ve gotta lock my sh*t up,” she tells Jessel after Abe makes his excuses. “I’m ripping on her party, and I’m hitting on her husband. I’m never gonna get invited to another anniversary party again.”
Jenna’s single again
When she vocally admires a “hot dude,” Jenna reveals, “I’m single, so I’m making moves.”
“Wait? What?” Sai and Jessel are shocked. “What happened?”
“Life happened,” Jenna says. “Just happened … past couple weeks … It’s been rough. It’s like when you, like, think your life is going one direction, and then it does a right turn.”
“I dated this person for almost a year and a half,” Jenna says in a confessional. “It had not been consistent. I think that there were signs. You get excited, you believe something is gonna be. And so when that future goes away, it can be really heartbreaking. I’m not getting any younger.”
“You can come hang out at my house,” Sai offers. “I’ll bring you tons of mocktails, and you can hang out with us.” Awww. Sai’s a good friend. Sai appreciates that Jenna’s finally opening up about her personal life.
“Would you like to have a threesome with me and my husband?” Jessel jokes.
“She’s a f*cking psycho, apparently,” Sai laughs about Jessel’s outburst.
Whatever happened to the two-minute rule?
While well-wishers drone on and on during the speech portion of the vow renewal, Jenna, Sai, Jessel and Brynn entertain each other by cracking jokes. “This is why I don’t go to weddings,” Jessel complains, as she and Brynn shop on her phone.
“They’re amazing, they’re in love, they’re hot, they’re rich,” says Brynn, as the speeches continue. “Like, let’s just keep drinking, you know what I’m saying? Stop rubbing it in our faces.”
“What time do you think Nobu closes?” Sai asks. “It’s around the corner, isn’t it?”
At that moment, Erin’s sister Kelly came over and introduced herself. “Hi, I’m Erin’s sister,” she says. “I just wanted to tell you, it’s a little rude … Like, we’re at her engagement. And you guys are arguing.” Um, it’s an anniversary party, Kel, but have another drink.
When the ladies assure her they’re not arguing, she continues, “Whatever. You guys are chatting, chitchatting.”
“That’s fair,” Brynn responds. “Are you gonna go and tell each one of the other people, too? Everybody is talking.”
“I think the people that she should be telling to zip it,” Sai interviews, “is maybe … [the people droning on and on, perhaps?] Cause we’re done.”
Finally, it was time for the vows. And they were sweet, but I’m not going to transcribe them here. Cause I’m also done. Oh, and Abe is a Dead Head. Who saw that coming?
Let’s party!
Sadly, there’s not a lot of food at this party. There are pigs-in-a-blanket, but Sai’s a pescatarian (only eats fish). And she’s hungry. So Nobu’s it is.
“I came, I supported, I sat through all the speeches,” Sai says. “You wouldn’t even notice me if I was gone. I’m going to Nobu, honey. I’m hungry.” But Erin does notice, and she is not pleased.
When Erin returns in her second outfit, she wants to take a group pic with her girls. “Did Sai leave?” she asks.
“I am so pissed,” she interviews. “At the very least, she should’ve said goodbye to me, which is exactly what she said Jenna should have done when she dipped out of my house.”
Uh oh. I think Cheesegate has been replaced by Partygate.
“Aside from that,” Erin adds, “this party is everything I could have expected … It’s just a really, really beautiful, special night.”
Real Housewives of New York continues Sundays at 9/8c on Bravo.
TELL US – DO YOU THINK IT WAS APPROPRIATE FOR BRYNN TO BE FLIRTING WITH ABE AT HIS VOW RENEWAL? DO YOU THINK SAI SHOULD HAVE SAID GOODBYE TO ERIN BEFORE LEAVING? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TWO-MINUTE RULE?
