We are five days into #Scandoval. So much has changed since the last time we were together. When we left off, Tom Schwartz was sniffling about “becoming a statistic” in his relationship with Katie Maloney. My how things have changed. Everything we watched tonight was through a “Raquel Leviss and Tom Sandoval are air-dropping nudes” sheen. I personally found it shiver-inducing.
We soft open with Scheana Shay and Brock Davies rock climbing and vlogging. By the way, did you see that vlog clip of Raquel walking out of Sandy’s dressing room when she realized Scheana was vlog recording with him? I’m telling you, these tidbits are all I can think about in every scene. Please bear with me as we continue.
A Life-Partner And A Mistress Walk Into A Boutique
Yup. We start right up with a scene featuring Raquel and Ariana Madix. They’re discussing Raquel’s boldness with Schwartz and her admission to Katie. Ariana says this may be the first time she has been mad at Raquel. It’s so dark.
In her confessional, Raquel says Katie is hard to read because she “keeps a good poker face.” This is cut with a scene of her standing in a bikini discussing her love life with her boyfriend’s girlfriend. I promise not to dissect every literal second like this forever, but it’s going to take some adjusting.
WeHo Shark Tank
Lisa Vanderpump is wheeling and dealing like nothing we’ve ever seen before. She makes the voyage to Schwartzy’s and is feeling charitable. She and Ken Vanderpump offer to give their chosen children their investment from Tom-Tom back. Lisa lets the boys know they can re-buy their way into their namesake establishment in the future. What a hilarious way to exploit these ding-dongs for profit. Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving pair!
Later in the episode, Lisa curates a very forced “girls’ dinner,” and what do you know? Garcelle Beauvais’ son Oliver Saunders happens to be mic-ed and working today! Lala Kent quickly announces that Oliver would be her type if he wasn’t married. Lisa lets it slip that he’s actually separated. It’s almost like she’s producing this moment or something.
LVP also pitches a sandwich shop location to Katie that’s around the bend from SUR. Katie seems intrigued. It’s fine with me so long as I’m not forced to watch.
Special shout out to the scene of Lisa epoxying a Claire’s statement necklace onto a golden dog statue.
James’ Sobriety
James Kennedy and Ally Lewber go to lunch with James’ mom. We learn that James doesn’t drink around his mother to “keep it respectful.” Mazel to Mama Jaqueline for her four years of sobriety!
The conversation turns to James being kicked out of a bar Raquel approaching Ally to review James cheating with Lala. James’ mom takes her opportunity to slam Raquel before she circles back to James’ drinking problem. Good. In her confessional, Ally shares that she found herself attracted to James initially because his sobriety was impressive and “mature.” She reveals things started changing after she caught him secretly drinking in Vegas.
Later in the episode, we watch James and Ally on a foot massage date. Ally tells James directly that she prefers him sober. James thinks that he’s doing just fine with his alcohol intake. He argues that he is maintaining a successful Tuesday night DJ gig. What more does she want from him? In his confessional, James says the next time he stops drinking it will be for himself and not his girlfriend. I’m still rooting for you, dude. Help yourself!
Ariana Grieves
This was tough. We start with Tom and Ariana snuggling their big dog. You remember. It’s the pet internet lurkers allege punctured Doodle-Graham in the throat in the early episodes of the season. No comment. I need to focus.
Ariana puts Tom on doggy medication management duty while she’s away on a girl’s trip in Vegas. Her other dog, Charlotte, is suffering from seizures in her old age. Old Char has been with Ariana since Tom was cheating on Kristen Doute.
Once the Pump Rules girls make it to Vegas, it’s all downhill. We are forced to endure a scene of Ariana crying over her dog’s breakthrough seizures. Watching her express absolute devastation is so heavy with what we know now. *Hugs to Ari* #teamariana
We’re then subjected to a scene of Sandoval and Ariana walking in to have their final moments with the actual love of Ariana’s life, Charlotte. Tom says he’s going to be there for “his girl” through her pain. Repulsive.
Girl’s Dinner
This scene was torture and completely unnatural. No way would these people ever find themselves sitting across from each other at a volitional dinner table. Was it bring your mother figure to work day? This meal had LVP, Raquel, Lala, Katie, and Katie’s actual mom.
Raquel takes ownership of her part in the Tom Schwartz flirtationship before she’s willing to take ownership of her first name. It’s Rachel, by the way. Too bad Katie brought her mommy along for the Vegas showdown. This woman admonishes Raqy for flirting with her daughter’s ex-husband. It was deeply embarrassing for Katie.
Oliver’s Twist
We learn that Lala hasn’t had sex since she conceived her daughter in 2020. The more you know. During the girl’s dinner, Lala clearly expresses an interest in her server, Oliver. She’s met him before. Not that he remembers. Of course, where there’s a woman pursuing a man, Rachel isn’t far behind. Sloppy banana clip in tow. Look out, Lauren!
Oliver agrees to meet the girls out later for a drink. Raquel parks it directly between Lala and Oliver on a couch. Lala and Oliver are swiveling around trying to have a conversation about their children, but Raquel just doesn’t seem to notice. She’s gone completely Bambi-eyed. Eventually, Lala gives Raquel permission to pursue the soon-to-be single dad, and the rest is history. We end the episode with Raquel and Oliver making out on the dance floor. The fourth wall was left completely intact.
TELL US – WHAT THINGS DID YOU PICK UP ON WHILE WATCHING THIS EPISODE KNOWING ABOUT RAQUEL AND TOM? IS LISA DOING TOO MUCH? IS IT WEIRD FOR SOMEONES MOM TO CHASTISE THEIR EX-HUSBAND’S NEW FLIRT PIECE OVER DINNER?
[Photo Credit: Charles Sykes/Bravo]
