As the show opened on a scene of quaint, colorful storybook-like buildings, host Jesse Palmer revealed that this week, The Bachelor had traveled to Tallinn, Estonia. My friend Google told me that Estonia is in Eastern Europe, across the Gulf of Finland from Finland (duh!).
The Bachelor’s In Arendelle! (Actually, It’s Estonia, But It Looks A Lot Like Arendelle)
Brooklyn said she felt like she was in the movie Frozen, “Like, it’s cold, and there’s castles, and it’s a fairy tale.” All the buildings have pointy roofs and spires, and they do look like castles. Where’s Olaf? Someone proclaimed Tallinn as being “so fricking cute,” as they strolled the cobblestone streets looking for Zach Shallcross.
While the women were stalking him, Zach was hiding out in a local cafe with Jesse. He must be all recovered from his bout with COVID, because he has emerged from isolation. Still seemed to be drinking tea, though. Or maybe he and Jesse were just enjoying a cup of Estonian coffee.
Jesse broke the news that Greer was now feeling “under the weather.” (I’m really surprised it wasn’t Gabi, since she was the one who had the one-on-one date with Zach right before he got sick.) Even though he just said she was “under the weather,” Jesse assured Zach that Greer “feels fine, [she’s] asymptomatic” and quarantined in her room. Zach told Jesse to assure Greer that she should just get better and not worry about anything.
Only nine women are left. Yay! Maybe now I can finally figure out who’s who. At Jesse’s request, Zach filled him in on where he is with each woman. Jesse told Zach it would be a “big week,” kind of a comeback for him. Or a “bounce back,” as he called it.
As the women were checking out their elegantly cozy accommodations, I was wondering where they were staying. But then we got the mandatory (it’s in the contract) shot of the name of the hotel. They’re in the Swissôtel Tallinn, which Google says is a “luxury hotel” in Estonia.
The First One-On-One Date: Charity Gets To Make Up For Lost Time With Zach, But First Kat Tries To Make Out With Him
The eight COVID-negative ladies were lined up on the comfy couch, when the knock came on the door. Date Card! Charity was feeling sad that her date got canceled in London, due to Zach’s illness. She was hoping she wouldn’t just get “skipped over.” Fortunately, Gabi read out loud, “Charity, let’s make up for lost time. — Zach.” Charity was the happiest girl in the room, for sure. The rest of them? Not so much.
When Zach walked into the room to pick up his date, the squeals of excitement were a little louder than usual. After all, they hadn’t seen him in probably a week or so. Kat joked, “I didn’t even recognize you for a second.” He gave everyone a hug, before taking a seat on the couch. “Today was my first day out of quarantine fully,” he told them. “No more room service and pacing the room.”
Kat interrupted him, “Zach, before you go, can you come with me?” Uh-oh. I smell trouble. Seriously? She had the nerve to “steal” their communal boyfriend on Charity’s time? Charity was all, “Wait, what?!”
Out in the hallway, Kat said, “I want you to have fun today and enjoy your time with Charity [but not too much], but I just missed you, and I wanted to say Hi to you before you left. Call it needy, but I don’t care.”
She told Zach that she had been going a little “stir crazy” and to prove her point, she pulled him in for a big sloppy kiss. Zach must have been a little “stir crazy” himself, as he seemed more than happy to oblige. Really, Zach? You’re going to start Charity’s special day with Kat’s saliva in your mouth? Ewwwww. At least stop by your room and brush your teeth. Ugh. I hope he didn’t have Kat’s lipstick all over his face when he returned to take Charity on their date.
And Charity wasn’t the only one who was annoyed by Kat’s audacity. Though Zach appreciated Kat’s “initiative,” the other ladies were definitely not pleased.
The atmosphere in the room was a little tense when Zach returned to the eight maids a-sulking. And congrats to Detective Gabi for noticing the traces of “lip gloss on his lips,” following his private time with Kat. Kat was not going to have a good day after Zach and Charity left for their date. A few of the women looked ready to give her a good, shall we say, talking to?
As soon as they left, Aly asked Kat, “How was your chat?” In her head, Aly was definitely making air quotes. The rest of the ladies were not happy either with Kat “taking a moment” for herself. Brooklyn came right out and said taking her moment on Charity’s time was “classless” and “selfish.” Kat didn’t come here to make friends, y’all. She’d better hide her toothbrush because somebody’s liable to use it to clean the bathroom tonight.
RELATED: The Bachelor’s Greer Blitzer Claps Back At Zach Shallcross After Awkward Zoom Date
The first stop on Zach and Charity’s date was a ride through town in a horse-drawn carriage. All the streets are cobblestoned, and the buildings are straight out of a Disney movie. The architecture looks very similar to Russian, with all the domes, conical roofs, and spires. So pretty!
They came across some kind of competition or race where men were carrying their female partners on their backs upside down, with the women’s legs wrapped around the men’s necks and their arms wound around their waists. They stopped to watch, and a man asked them if they wanted to try it. Before Zach could say anything, Charity volunteered them. Way to prove you’re up for anything, Char! The man told them it was called “Wife-Carrying.”
Charity gamely stepped over Zach’s shoulders and hugged him around the middle, while hanging upside down. She admitted in an interview, “I never thought I would be upside-down, my face in his ass. I hated it, but I loved it at the same time!” Zach blew the other guy away, winning both the race and a big congratulatory kiss from Charity.
Back at the hotel, some of the women were still stewing over the Zach-stealing perpetrated by Kat earlier. Brooklyn was still sticking with “classless” and “selfish,” but had added “disrespectful” to the list. I don’t disagree with her, but maybe it’s best just to let it go and not make an international case out of it.
Meanwhile, in another room, Kat was complaining to Ariel about “harsh words” being directed at her and how she “felt attacked” by the other women. Kat’s feelings were hurt that her “character” had been attacked, and she didn’t understand why she wasn’t entitled to “have my moment.”
Ariel, bless her heart, gently told her, “It doesn’t make you a bad person, but it just rubs people the wrong way. When you had your one-on-one, no one interrupted, no one kissed him before your date.” Though Kat insisted, “The rules left when [Zach] got COVID. Everything has shifted right now,” Ariel calmly said, “I don’t think respect ever shifts, though.” It was like Ariel was talking to a child. She would be a good mom.
After a quick visit to a local shop, where the proprietor made them stand on one leg with one hand on their head, while drinking some kind of nasty, peppery potion they both hated, Zach and Charity next tried some sweet almonds from a street vendor. The almonds actually looked delicious. Next, they taste-tested some local marzipan. (I hate marzipan. Yuck!) Charity made a Dad joke (wait, that’s supposed to be Zach’s job) about being on the way to “Smooch City, Estonia.” Sadly, Kat had already beaten her there.
Back in the suite, Jess was worrying about not yet having gotten a one-on-one date. She was in her head about why she hadn’t yet gotten one. Gabi thought the environment of the show was hard on her, causing Jess anxiety. Gabi asked Jess if she’d react badly if she didn’t get the next one-on-one. “We shall see,” Jess foreshadowed.
As Zach and Charity were walking into the nighttime portion of their date, Charity narrated, “I’m feeling amazing going into tonight. Everything about today just felt so natural and so comforting.” Their dinner table was set up in what looked like Cinderella’s house. Charity prepared to tell Zach about her past and her background, “Just so that he knows, like, my heart, like, the reason why I’m here, what I want from this, and ultimately, what I want my future to, like, look like.”
[Side note: My hubby and I saw Hank Azaria interviewed on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert the other night. Hank was saying that he and his wife watch The Bachelor and have been making a game out of counting the number of times people say the word “like.” If it were a drinking game, you’d pass out before the first commercial. LOL.]
In her opening speech to Zach about where she’s come from and what her life used to be, I counted 16 times that Charity used the word “like.” Someone needs to coach these girls.
Charity finally got to the point and revealed to Zach that prior to “coming here,” she’d been in “an emotionally, like, abusive relationship.” Another one? She told Zach, that there had been several incidents of infidelity. “It just became this vicious cycle of manipulation,” she explained. She hid the abuse from her parents, even though her mom “is quite literally my best friend.” Even though she was ashamed to have gone through that type of relationship, she said she was grateful that it made her the person she is today.
To comfort her, Zach talked about going through another relationship “before this,” where he lost himself and neglected his own self. I thought he was going to talk about Rachel Recchia again but thankfully I was wrong.
Charity felt super relieved that she’d gotten that information off her chest and received only positive support from Zach. After he said she was “pretty awesome,” they made a quick trip to “Smooch City,” before Zach offered her the rose, and she happily accepted it.
The Group Date: There’s Not Enough Sage In The World To Cleanse Kat
As they waited for the second Date Card, Jess was still going on about how much she wanted that one-on-one with Zach. Something told me her wish wasn’t going to be granted, and the aggressive knock on the door agreed with me. Gabi must have been appointed official Date Card Monitor this week because she immediately jumped off the couch to answer the door.
Jess said, “I am crossing both fingers that my name is not on the group date card.” Isn’t that how crossing your fingers is supposed to work, Jess? You can’t cross one finger. You have to use both.
Gabi announced, “I have a Date Card!” Thanks, Captain Obvious. We knew that. “Brooklyn, Kaity, Kat, Gabi, Aly, and Jess: True love feels like magic. — Zach.” Ariel dissolved into giggles, when she realized her name wasn’t on the card and she would be going on the other one-on-one date. As she had a tiny celebration for herself, Jess burst into tears of disappointment.
“Does it mean something that I’m the last one [to get a one-on-one date]?” Jess sobbed. Gabi reassured her that she was not the last one and reminded her that Greer hasn’t yet had a one-on-one. “But Greer has COVID,” she sniffled. Jess seems very young. She’s only 23 years old. I think she’s got some growing up to do yet.
The next morning Charity was recounting all the things she and Zach did on their date the day before, as the women waited for the Bachelor to pick them up for the group date. Out of the blue, Kat brought up how “yesterday was a lot and I don’t want to have this conversation before we go into the group date.”
Brooklyn wasn’t having any of it and cut Kat off, “Oh my God! You don’t want to ruin the group date? You don’t want to have it ruin your time like Charity’s [was]?” Yup. She said it.
Kat responded to her with, “Ew, why are you being so aggressive?”
Brooklyn shot back, “‘Ew.’ Because you have your head up your ass!” In an interview, Brooklyn recalled how Kat had pulled Zach out of the room when he was there to pick up Charity for her date. And when he returned, he had lip gloss all over his lips. “That made me want to box her ears off.” That may just be the most Oklahoma thing anybody’s ever said on this show. “You literally kissed the man before [Charity] went on her one-on-one date.”
Kat rationalized, “Ok, we are all dating him.”
But Brooklyn still insisted it was “tacky.” She narrated that Charity looked hurt and there would be a lot of “walking on eggshells, but not me. I’m not walking on no eggshells.” I like Brooklyn.
Kat said it wasn’t necessary to intentionally hurt each other’s feelings. But Brooklyn told her, “If it hurt your feelings, like, if the shoe fits, lace that bitch up.” Okay then. Everybody have a fun day today!
As Zach was walking to the group date, he said, “Today’s gonna be fun!” Poor Zach. He had no idea.
While Aly made a really weak attempt at the traditional “run, jump and wrap your legs around the Bachelor” move, Kat didn’t even try. Instead, she told Zach, “My body will not do that, but nice to see you.” Zach hugged each of the women. He narrated that he wanted the day to be “magical” and an opportunity to progress some relationships. Today they would tap into some of the more “unusual” Estonian culture. What is “usual” Estonian culture then?
The group walked toward a log cabin, where a woman was beating a handheld drum while she circled an open fire. She introduced herself as Heli, an Estonian witch. “I’m [a] grand witch, and I use witchcraft for more than 20 years.” She said her job is to help people, to heal and maybe help them find love. She invited them all to make a circle around her fire. “Today we will see,” she told them, “who is ready to find love.” And they all joined hands and did ring-around-the-rosy by the firepit.
Next, she invited Zach to “cleanse your ladies,” as she handed him a smoldering stick of sage. Brooklyn was not over it, as she said, “You can definitely tell there’s a little tension. [Kat] knows that what she did was wrong. So there’s not enough sage in the world to cleanse Kat.”
As the women tried to find love with Zach by looking “through the flame into each other’s eyes,” Jess was still in her head about not yet having had a one-on-one. Girl, as the song says, “Let It Go.” You’re only sabotaging yourself. But as Jess and Zach were doing the candle “staring through the flames” thing, the candle blew out, signaling to Jess an extinguishing of their love. Bummer.
At the after party that evening, Gabi pointed out, “This is the smallest group date [only 6] any of us have been on yet. And so, hopefully, we will all get time to talk to him.” And despite her “anxiety attack” earlier in the day, Jess claims she’s all good now. “I’m the only one here without a one-on-one.” Really, Jess? You’ve only mentioned that about a dozen times. Stop it.
When Zach arrived, he made a toast, “To all of you incredible and beautiful women. I’m happy to be here.” Who will be the first to pull him away for a private conversation? But Zach pulled a fast one and asked Kaity to join him before any catfights could break out.
When he sat down with Gabi, they both expressed how comfortable they felt with each other, even though they still had butterflies. They missed each other when Zach was sick. I think Gabi has the edge right now. Is it too early to predict Gabi as the winner?
Back in the other room, Jess was once again telling Aly and Kaity, “I’m the only one here without a one-on-one.” Jess could be her own drinking game. She’s totally self-sabotaging. When Zach asked her if he could steal her for a conversation, the music of doom in the background was a little heavy-handed. I don’t think this is going to go well.
When Zach asked how she was doing, Jess told him, “I know what I signed up for. But . . . I don’t have that much confidence. It’s a lot to see all these women progress in their relationships with you. I was waiting for that one-on-one to, like, open up more.” And a cloud seemed to descend on Zach’s face at this point, as Jess started to cry.
Jess continued to go on and on about the one-on-one, and Zach started to get annoyed with her obsession. He wanted her to look at the whole process and not just keep track of one-on-ones. Zach was confused. “What am I missing?” As she kept talking about one-on-ones, you could see him emotionally distancing himself from her.
She said she told him at the beginning, that she wasn’t the type who would fight for someone. She wanted someone who would fight for her. “I’m not gonna fight. I’m not gonna beg for you. I’m not doing that.” But you’re begging him to fight for you. I think I was just as confused as Zach was as he walked her out to the waiting van. Bye, Jess! Too bad you never got a one-on-one date. Too soon?
Zach was so shaken by having to let Jess go, that he decided not to give out a date rose. Maybe they can each take a petal like they did last week. Rose petals for everyone!
The Second One-On-One: Zach and Ariel Bare Their Souls — But Nothing Else
The next morning, Zach was still reeling from the Jess of it all. I guess he really liked her. But he accepted that it was for the best, and today is a new day. He was looking forward to his date with Ariel.
When Ariel arrived, Zach surprised her with the news that they were having a spa day. Fun! As they walked away, though, they passed a sign that was translated for us non-Estonian-speakers as “Nudist Sauna.” Uh-oh.
It looked really cold there. You could see their breath in the air, so a nice warm sauna sounded like a welcome treat. They were in for a surprise. When they got to the spa, they were greeted by a sweater-wearing woman named Laura. Everyone else seemed to be wearing robes. I guess even nudists have to bundle up when it’s cold outside.
But then Laura came over and welcomed them to the traditional Estonian sauna. She told them, “Saunas are a sacred place here in Estonia. We go there to cleanse our bodies, our minds, our spirits and really purify our souls. We go in the sauna nude.” Zach and Ariel tried not to show any expression, but Zach just kind of cocked his head a bit in surprise.
Ariel told Zach he could wear his “birthday suit,” but she would be wearing a bathing suit. “Like a Baywatch situation,” she said. Zach said they could “meet in the middle.” It didn’t sound like he was ready to go full Monty with Ariel yet.
When next we saw the happy couple, Zach was wearing black swim trunks and Ariel was in a very modest red one piece. They were both saying how grateful they were to be indoors when it was so cold out. Finally, they were in the warm sauna, making out. But then the door opened and a totally nude couple walked in. “Can we join?” Zach and Ariel graciously welcomed the other couple, though they were obviously embarrassed. Ariel kidded, “Can’t wait for my parents to see this.” Zach admitted he felt “traumatized.” Oh, come on, Zach. Grow up. Just look them in the eyes, and you’ll be just fine. Just don’t lower your gaze to the kibbles and bits.
The other couple gave them some good advice when they found out this was Zach and Ariel’s first date. “Be honest,” the man said, while his partner added, “Give each other space. And trust is everything, I would say.”
“Also talking is very important!” they both agreed.
When the naked people told them that they should “enjoy the hot tub,” Zach and Ariel were out of there in a nanosecond. I’m sure they enjoyed a nice, hot soak in the outdoor tub since it was such a cold day. And a glass of champagne never hurts, either.
But before too long Mr. and Mrs. Naked joined Zach and Ariel in the hot tub. They jumped right in, as Ariel told them, “We missed you guys!” But it kind of cramped their style when the other couple started making out on the other side of the tub. I don’t think Zach signed up for an orgy.
Next up was an apparently early dinner (since it was still light outside) in an adorable cottage with stained glass windows. Maybe that’s why they brought them there in the daylight, so Zach and Ariel could enjoy the beautiful windows.
Zach narrated, “I had one of the best times I’ve ever had with Ariel today. She makes me laugh. We get along. It feels like she could be my best friend.”
After Zach told her exactly how he was feeling about her, Ariel told him, “It’s hard for me to be at times, very, like, vulnerable and kind of talk about the things that I feel or things that I want. I’m really good at using humor as a veil because I feel like I’m not able to articulate what I want and what I’ve kind of been through.” Uh-oh. Is she going to tell him about a past abusive relationship?
Ariel went on to say that she’d been through many relationships where she couldn’t be herself, and a lot of heartbreaks. She admitted that “in those heartbreaks, I kind of stopped loving myself.” They both agreed that being in a relationship where you can’t be yourself is the worst kind of sacrifice. Zach assured her that he liked her for who she is and would never want her to change for him.
In an interview, Zach admitted that his one-on-one date with Ariel “far exceeded” his expectations. Saying Ariel “might be the best surprise yet” in his journey to find love, Zach offered her the rose, and she accepted it “1,000 times over.”
The Rose Ceremony
Apparently, the dates were not shown in the order they were filmed, because both Gabi and Zach referred to all the emotions surrounding the Jess situation “last night.” Zach explained that he wasn’t expecting the night to go that way at all, and that was why he was so upset. He said all of their support and kind words had made it all easier for him. He went home last night knowing “my person is absolutely in this room.” Cheers!
In the surprise move of the night, Charity asked Kat if she could have “a moment.” Contestants don’t usually ask to “steal” each other, instead of the Bachelor, so it was a bold move. While Kat was still defending her right to spend time with Zach, Brooklyn entered the room as a backup for Charity. But Kat didn’t want to “deal with the drama,” so she stomped out of the room. I’m team Brooklyn on this one. I don’t necessarily agree with Brooklyn that Kat “knows she’s wrong,” but I do agree that she is. We’ll see what “No Drama” Zach thinks of the drama when he finds out about it.
While Kat was kvetching to the producers about Brooklyn’s “aggresiveness” towards her and how “it’s not fair,” Zach suddenly walked into the room. I thought she might tell him about her conflict with Brooklyn, but she just dodged his questions when he told her that she had seemed “off” at the group date.
Just as I hoped someone would tell Zach about the drama between Kat and Brooklyn, Jesse Palmer and his tinkling Champagne Glass of Doom signaled that it was “time for the Rose Ceremony.” Line up, ladies. Only seven are left since Greer is still in quarantine.
And the roses went to Gabi, Kaity, and Brooklyn. Kat received the Final Rose tonight. “Aly, please take a moment to say your goodbyes.”
TELL US – DO YOU WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ZACH ABOUT THE TENSION BETWEEN KAT AND BROOKLYN? WHOSE SIDE DO YOU THINK ZACH WOULD HAVE BEEN ON? DID YOU KNOW JESS NEVER GOT A ONE-ON-ONE?
[Photo Credit: ABC/Nino Munoz]
