Welcome back, Reality Tea readers! I have another action-packed edition of the social media happenings you might have missed in the last week. And we have a little bit of everything. I don’t know what was going on with the Real Housewives this week but they really decided they were going to give us some content. So much so that it was kind of hard to choose.
But one person I know I can never leave out when he posts is Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Joe Gorga. No, I’m not talking about his controversial meeting with former brother-in-law Joe Giudice. Read on.
Professor Gorga Reporting For Duty
If I had a dollar for every time Joe posted something completely cringe, I would be able to build an architectural nightmare of a house chock full of mismatched marble and tile allegedly given as a freebie in exchange for a spot on RHONJ.
But back to the matter at hand. Joe took time out of his busy schedule fuglifying his new neighborhood in Franklin Lakes to take us to school. He posted a poorly cropped meme to his Instagram that features a sperm. The text? Hold onto your molecular biology degrees because this is a doozy!
The text of the meme reads, “Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb, the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an a–hole. Some people never develop beyond this stage.”
I don’t know what I enjoy more – the poor grammar, the lack of punctuation, or just the sentiment in general. But this fully grown sperm of a house husband is clearly trying to send a message. One that is about four years behind given that this meme rose to popularity back in 2019. Should we all thank Joe for the free lesson? I will on one condition: Joe, pronounce “deuterostomes” right now.
Tay’s Anatomy
Speaking of science stuff, Taylor Armstrong almost had me when she posted a picture of herself on Instagram in a lab coat, checking out a brain scan on what appears to be her office laptop. Has the Real Housewives of Orange County “friend of” become Dr. Jen Armstrong’s medical assistant due to the booming business of dermatological brain scans?
Alas, no. Taylor has not received any medical training. But she was cast as a doctor in what she described as her “first” and “second” movie. Which begs the question– at the same time? Now that would be impressive.
I took the liberty of looking up both of the films she hashtagged. The first one being Masterpiece which turned up approximately 13 million posts, most of which featured the boys from the now-defunct band One Direction.
My next search for the movie Guardians turned up even less. Although coincidentally, there is another Taylor Armstrong who worked on the movie Guardians of the Galaxy in visual effects. I mean, I guess that’s a career achievement. But has the other Taylor ever planned a tea party for a 4-year-old with a measly $50k budget? I think not.
Regardless of the reach of Taylor’s budding movie career, at least we know we can rely on her to grace our small screens on the next season of RHOC. And we will be forever grateful for her role in one of the all-time greatest memes in history, where she goes “all Oklahoma” on Smudge the Cat’s a–.
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Coffee Talk With Bethenny Frankel
If there is an opinion to be had on social media, we can always count on Bethenny Frankel to share it. The former Real Housewives of New York and TikTok obsessive poster recently came under fire for her critique of Rihanna’s Super Bowl performance.
Do you think Bethenny cares? No, she does not. In fact, she cares so little that she didn’t even include Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty line in the 50+ makeup review posts she has made since her comments. But nestled between a makeup sponge storage hack and reviewing DOTS limited edition Valentine’s Day flavored candy, Bethenny proved that she’s just like us plebes when she went through a Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru.
Bethenny begins her TikTok by telling us that her trip to Dunkin’ is “new and exciting” for her. If she thinks grabbing some Dunkin’ coffee is exciting, boy do I lead one hell of a life. While Bethenny marvels at the fact that Dunkin’ now serves avocado toast, even referring to it as “gorgeous,” she is also downright tickled to learn that they serve chai lattes. Yes, us drive thru regulars have access to chai lattes outside of Starbucks.
Our Economically Enlightened Coffee Bean Queen finished up her video by hounding Richard, the Dunkin’ employee, as to why he has so many receipts piled up at the window. Richard, who clearly didn’t have Bethenny’s enchantment of how us normal folk get our coffee, politely nods.
And then the voice of Dorinda Medley appeared to tell us that red balloon Richard has now taken the form of Dunkin’ Donuts employee Richard. Ok, that didn’t actually happen but forgive me as I’ve had a large vanilla Coolatta and all that sugar tends to do something to a person’s mind.
Mia Thornton Lives Rent Free In Her Own Head
I was just starting to warm up to Mia Thornton. The second-season Real Housewives of Potomac star had me at “I can continue to go on” after she rambled off all the plastic surgery procedures she had in the first meeting with her castmates. I like a transparent housewife. But she lost me this season with her unwarranted treatment of Dr. Wendy Osefo and her good friend/sister/alleged threesome partner whatever-her-name-is.
But once again, Mia is touting her ability to be an open book on social media in her most recent post. Given that there was some questions about her coins at the RHOP reunion, I’m sure Mia felt compelled to clear a few things up.
Mia posted a very filtered video of herself on her Instagram page with the title, “Sky Living is always the Vibe.” Which I guess is fine until you have to let your dog out by waiting for an elevator or taking 20 flights of steps. But maybe that’s a me problem.
In a VERY long and rambling post, Mia tells her followers, “let’s get into it, RENTING vs. BUYING.” She goes on to reveal that she “OWNS businesses up and down the east coast” like we haven’t heard that 500,000 times already. Mia then goes on to present us with dubiously researched #facts.
The Chiropractic Board Member in name only, Mia wrote, “I CHOOSE to keep reinvesting in proven concept(s) that give me a 20% + return YOY Vs holding money in property at this stage of my career.” So basically she’s saying that she invests her money in other things rather than property. To which I say, “Why not both?” Truly. If you’re rich rich, surely you can do both.
Even though not a soul asked, Mia informs us that she does want to own property again. And that she’s looking for a “summer home” near her grandparents’ land. Ok but is it really a summer home when you don’t have a winter, spring and fall home?
Regardless, Mia reminds us that we shouldn’t be “so quick to judge.” Fine, I won’t judge you but please stop killing my bottom floor view VIBES. #icanseemydrivewayfrommywindow.
Until next week, my fellow deuterostomes!
[Photo Credit: Santiago Felipe/Getty Images]
