Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills always gives us a glimpse of the rare and finer things in life, right?! All the finer things… from fine China to the family jewels…
Lisa Rinna is off to New York to launch Delilah’s career as the next Gigi Hadid. Of course, Lisa acknowledges that Yolanda would have been a great ally and mentor right about now, so too bad about that Munchausen accusation last season. But let’s not dwell on the past, now. Let’s focus on how Lipsa is flying into her (and Delilah’s) future.
In NY, Lipsa meets up with Kyle Richards, who is opening yet another Kyle By KaftansToo (?!?!?!?!) all while wearing yet another goofy, incomprehensible outfit. Shouldn’t she call them like Kyle By MumusForever just for variety?
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Every time Kyle visits NY she yanks one of her daughters out of school, so someone is available to babysit her. This time it’s Sophia’s turn. Sophia literally looks down on Kyle (she’s 5″10), but other than that, Kyle explains that they’re super similar.
Lipsa joins Kyle at the soon-to-be Upper East Side boutique space, and while they navigate stepping over the exposed nails in the concrete flooring, talk turns to Lisa Vanderpump and the exposed wound that is her friendship with Lipsa. Kyle doesn’t believe LVP has truly forgiven and forgotten, but she doesn’t admit this to Lipsa. Those lips got her into this mess, and they’ll have to get her out, but at least for now Lipsa feels confident that they’re moving on. We’ll see.
Actually, of the two BH moms in NY, Kyle – shockingly – was the less embarrassing. As Delilah was meeting with the editors of CR Fashion Book, Lipsa proceeds to run those lips about the that time she pushed Delilah out of her birth canal, and how the poor girl was stuck in there for so long her head was elongated and looked deformed.
Lipsa prattled on and on about how weird Delilah looked – I guess that’s meant to imply it’s hilarious that she’s a model now, but Lipsa brags that her daughter inherited her ‘hustle.’ Better that than her propensity to over-share, I guess.
Sadly, Delilah and Amelia are used to Lipsa’s crazy talk and aren’t bothered by it, especially because she’s so busy focusing on herself she doesn’t check the credit card statement. Over dinner with Kyle and Sophia, Delilah reveals that she’s on a dating app for ‘special people’ – it doesn’t specify what kind of special people, but you do have to pay to be a member, so do the math.
Amelia lets it slip that Delilah, aged 18, is on there meeting 35 year old men. Yet Lipsa feels perfectly fine letting Delilah and Amelia spend two days in NYC unsupervised while she heads to PA for a QVC taping. Kyle’s eyebrows raise – as someone who knows the future Kim Ricahrds and grew up with a mom who dragged her toddler to Studio 54, she keeps her daughters on tight leashes. Yes, Kyle prefers to pimpmomager up close, even if her daughters tower above her.
RELATED – On The Set Of Kyle’s Sitcom ‘American Woman’
Well enough about these girls, let’s check in with the Cali crowd!
Back in BH, LVP is on a mission to procure the perfect gift for Ken’s birthday. She enlists Dorit Kemsley to make naughty jokes about rubbers in a fancy watch shop, where Lisa also wipes her dogs butt on the counter. I mean, it was with good reason – her dog sneezed on the shop girl and all over the glass counter, and Lisa’s chiffon just didn’t do the trick as Windex, but Pom fur – an excellent dust buster. Lisa’s thinking of marketing this so she can afford to buy Ken the $75,00o watch next year, but for this year, he’ll have to settle for a $25,000 watch with a plonky plastic band.
Well, Ken’s happier with a watch, than he was with mini horses! Instead of a big to-do for his birthday, he and Lisa celebrate by making plans to help Max buy his first apartment, and praising him for being such a great kid who works so hard. Lisa smiles demurely that the best gift she’s ever given Ken were their children, but then because no serious moment can go un-Britished-humored, LVP makes sure to follow that up by saying the blowjob she once gave him in a car is up there on the list as well. Now, of course, Lisa keeps mace on hand in case Ken gets amorous ideas. She ought to pass that to Erika Girardi next time she gets in the vicinity of PK. Or maybe Dorit can use it to keep Peek-K off of Erika and out of her skirt.
Eileen Davidson and her family pay one last visit to Eileen’s late mother’s house to collect any items they may want. Eileen is emotionally raw after dealing with so much loss in such a short time for her family and Vinnie’s.
Eileen decides to see a therapist, where she admits to being embarrassed that so many people in her family have recently died. It turns out Eileen feels ashamed of situations in her life which may make other people uncomfortable and this manifests in her people-pleasing and being awkward. That’s interesting because it’s pretty much what led to the whole blow-up with LVP last season. Eileen didn’t like that LVP used the word “affair,” because that word makes people uncomfortable, and Eileen reacted to that discomfort by feeling personal shame and over-reacting.
I still love Eileen. Not sorry.
Moving on to Dorit. Do her children even know who she is? Swanning around like Lady Mary of Downton, she’s got like 45 nannies (surprised she doesn’t call them ‘governesses’) to manage “her lifestyle”- what she does that’s so pressing, I still can’t figure out, but when she comes home from wherever instead of picking up her infant daughter, she let’s the nanny hold her while Dorit squawks in her face and pets her face.
Dorit’s poor baby has to wear this cap that looks like it’s made of toilet paper because the little girl was developing a flat spot on her head. I’m pretty sure she didn’t know Dorit from the stuffed monkey in her nursery, by the way.
Dorit has no time for mother-daughter bonding though because she’s taking Jagger to the park and needs the housekeeper and the nanny to prepare for it because Dorit can’t pack a diaper bag or install a car seat in her car. Um… what type of parent doesn’t have a car seat permanently IN THEIR CAR?
While Dorit is trying to figure out if car seats can go in a Rolls, her son arrives home from speech therapy which a different nanny from the one who took him. This other kid doesn’t seem to recognize Dorit either and sort of grimaces as she tries to cuddle him. She’s just that weird lady who speaks in tongues and thinks it bizarre that a toddler boy is obsessed with driving. Maybe her child doesn’t talk because he can’t figure out what language Dorit is speaking? Anyway, the park gets canceled because Dorit can’t communicate effectively with her toddler, or handle any sort of tantrum in anyway.
Back in LA, Kyle gets ready for a white party LVP is hosting at PUMP. Unfortunately, in Kyle’s zeal to brag that Lisa totally stole her party because it’s SO AWESOME, Kyle wore the wrong underpants with her jumpsuit, and you could see them. You’d think a woman with as much White Party experience as Kyle would know better.
Kyle calls LVP to see about borrowing some panties (which eewww) and that leads to panty gate. LVP teases all night about Kyle’s panty problem and when Erika arrives, LVP playfully pantomimes lifting up her skirt and jokes that Kyle needs to borrow some underpants. That’s when Erika reveals she’s not wearing any. Until then no one seemed to notice Erika’s vajaynejay, but as soon as she confessed to being panty less, LVP whooped and Dorit went all prune-faced.
Dorit claims we’ve all been there in an underwear-less state but most of us remember our ladylike etiquette. It’s unfortunate it went this way because Erika was all excited to share that she was gonna be on Y&R as a gift from Eileen. Lisa tried to rain on her parade by boasting that she too was offered a part (Kyle quickly points out that LVP wasn’t). I hope LVP was just joking, just like I hope Dorit was just joking when she started psychoanalyzing the various facets of the Jayne/Girardi composite.
Dorit diagnoses Erika as bitchy, contrived, and cold – she doesn’t ‘buy’ her act of being two people, the Erika Jayne stage-persona and the nice, sweet Erika Girardi, wife of Tom.
Then LVP had to go up Erika’s skirt and all hell broke loose. I don’t think LVP meant anything by it – that’s the sort of thing she does, I thought it was far ruder that she interrupted Erika’s story about appearing on Eileen’s show to make it about herself.
RELATED – Erika Vs. Erika – And Their Fashions.
But playfully reaching up Erika’s skirt seemed benign. And honestly it was Kyle’s fault really – she needed underwear! (I joke!) but LVP’s question meant Erika was forced to admit she wasn’t wearing any and spend all of cocktail hour with Peek-K leering at her.
The next day while feeding their child lunch, Dorit and PK discuss his fascination with the underside of Erika’s skirt. First of all, I refuse to believe you could really ‘see’ anything, especially because Erika had a napkin over her lap. This seems a bit like trumped-up charges; like Dorit feels insecure around Erika, and knows PK is attracted to her, so she started some sort of smear campaign. Dorit tries to play it off as being perfectly normal that her husband was unable to control himself from leering at her frienemies, but then she grills him about whether or not he was turned on or got aroused.
Dorit decides she must address this uncomfortable situation with Erika with humor, especially because Americans are way too uptight. She would know since she’s half American. But seriously for someone complaining that Americans have no sense of humor, why is Dorit so utterly appalled and fascinated by Erika not wearing underwear?
TELL US – IS DORIT OVER-REACTING? WAS LVP TRYING TO EMBARRASS ERIKA?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]
