Jeff Lewis is in over his head with his house, his clients, and his march toward fatherhood (which is approaching quickly). Meanwhile, Jenni Pulos is busy trying to make a buck by sitting on toilets. That, my friends, is the nutshell version of this week’s Flipping Out. But it takes a while to get there…so, let’s get started!
At Valley Vista, Jeff and Gage Edwards are led through the money pit they’ve regretfully purchased. Frank the contractor briefs them on structural, electrical, and – worst of all – water issues as the cha-ching, cha-ching sound rings endlessly in Jeff’s brain. This place is more than he bargained for and could possibly be, in his own words, the worst house he’s ever bought. Gage agrees.
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In the car later, Gage backseat drives Jeff and Jenni, exerting control where he can. He has no control over the renovation hell going on around him, which Jeff admits affects Gage more than anyone. It’s not organized chaos anymore; it’s just plain chaos.
The gang heads to Mary and Marty’s Newport Beach house, which has been completely demo’d. It’s down to the studs, people! Mary’s realtor has come calling with advice about where to spend money, and more importantly, where not to spend money. Jeff doesn’t understand why all of these random realtor opinions are coming at him. Jeff knows best, and he wants to be trusted. He advises that Mary and Marty build a new deck, for instance, to take advantage of the views. But the realtor claims it won’t add value. Jeff feels like they overpaid for the house in the first place, so they need to be careful how much (and where) they invest in this house. Marty and Mary: listen to Jeff!
Later on, Mary brings up more design issues that “people” have advised her about. Jeff wants Mary to stop listening to every Tom, Dick, and Realtor. She needs to form her own opinions, and stick to them! Jeff has a design vision that unifies the entire house, while Mary wants contemporary here, granny’s attic there. He’s not into it and finally snaps after seeing, oh, the 40th design photo.
“It’s wrong! It’s all wrong!” Jeff stops her. Trying to get his design aesthetic points across to Mary is not working right now, but he can’t lose hope yet. All he can do is watch while Mary leaves to go get some more million dollar design ideas from a Trader Joe’s cashier.
Jeff and Gage bicker in the car later on, making Gage wish he was literally deaf in his left ear. If only for a day! He wonders how Jeff and he will do as parents if their level of bickering is this intense already? I think they’ll do just fine. But then, I’m a big fan of bickering!
On to toilet commercials! Because that’s what Flipping Out viewers have been clamoring to see. Right!? Jenni heads to a commercial shoot for…yes, sh*tters. Because that’s where her acting career has sadly landed. She’s a natural fit for this campaign, having produced her intolerable “Poo In The Potty” video last year, of which she reminds the director. He’s like, Oh yeah! Um…can you sit on the crapper now? Thaaaaaanks.
After a few takes on the teleprompter, Jenni finally overcomes her toilet excitement to wrap the shoot. “What the FLUSH!” she cheeses to the cameras, making me literally cringe for her. Why, Jenni? Just…why?
At the fertility clinic, Jeff and Gage meet with their surrogate, Alexandra. She’s feeling nauseous and eating lots of hot sauce. Therefore, the pregnancy is on point! Jeff is obsessed with Alexandra’s diet, assuming what she’s craving, the baby will crave. So, oatmeal and enchiladas, then?
In the exam room, Jeff and Gage look on as Alexandra gets an ultrasound. The screen’s images don’t do anything to help Jeff connect the dots, but when he and Gage hear that sweet tha-thunk, tha-thunk coming through the speakers, they both light up. The baby’s heartbeat is strong. Jeff and Gage can’t believe there’s a REAL baby in there!
As they let reality wash over them, their faces soften. It’s a beautiful moment, and what I love most about Flipping Out – these unexpected moments of tenderness that creep in. Jeff is speechless, which is a feat in itself. He and Gage only have a moment of euphoria though before the doctor tells them about a second gestational sac. HUH? they think. What does that mean!!!!???
Before we find out, a brief cut to potties and poop and pee, all of which Jenni is living for. She’s got no shame in her game, lifting the silk cover off her toilet prop like a woman unveiling a Jaguar. The toilet, by the way, is rotating. Jenni thinks this is sign that she is #Winning. The toilet, for Jenni, is the crowing of a new era in her career: the “I Don’t Care What You Think Era.” As she sits spinning on her porcelain throne, Jenni laughs all the way to the bank.
Back at the clinic, Jeff and Gage find out that the second gestational sac indicates a potential twin that didn’t make it. Jeff doesn’t know whether to be relieved or sad. Their baby’s due date is October 18, which also makes this journey more real. Gage worries about Valley Vista, which doesn’t even have a kitchen sink in which to bathe this very real baby.
After some client calls, Jeff and Jenni head back to Newport Beach. Jeff consults with Jason the contractor on what his vision for Marty and Mary’s home is. He wants to circle the wagons with Jason before Mary can come running back with new Pinterest screenshots of gold lame’ wall coverings accompanied by rustic pine barn doors. Jason seems agreeable enough. He gives Jeff rough estimates of how much work, say, a deck would take. Jeff needs to convince Mary and Marty that maximizing their ocean view – at any cost – will benefit them in the long run. True dat.
Enter Mary. Jeff enlists Jason to back him up, which Jason does valiantly. Mary seems happy with the deck and bathroom ideas for now. But will that resolve last?
Back at Valley Vista, Jeff is shocked to find more house demo’d than he’d bargained for. Zoila Chavez just cackles while a frustrated Gage admits he can’t even remember what Jeff decided to demolish or not. Cut all the trees down! Bring in the wrecking ball! Light a match! Valley Vista is a sh*t show. Jeff laments, “I’m going to die here!” This might indeed be the flip that kills them all.
Gage tries to be the realist, noting that they have an actual deadline: October 18, to be exact. The kid is coming. And the kid can’t live in a construction zone. He wants Jeff to just choose a plan of action and stick to it already, dude. When the house is burning down, as they say, you don’t try to redecorate. In their case, literally.
Since Jeff is feeling out of control, he turns his ire toward Gage, whose management he claims has created “really slow” progress on the property. Gage takes offense, snapping after Jeff asks him to book roofing guys. “Don’t say ‘can we,’ say ‘we WILL,'” retorts Gage. He is done with what he perceives as Jeff’s wishy-washiness about the reno, but Jeff claims he was just trying to ask in a nice way. The two stomp off in mutual frustration over the nightmare that is Valley Vista.
Jeff goes all OCD crazy on everyone after the altercation, taping up a paper sign that says “Too Slow” on the wall. He wants to see 55 people working here! He wants 4 Bobcats! And he wants everyone to repeat the wall mantra until they go slowly insane. Gage just wants to stop drinking himself to sleep.
In the office, Gage has the flu. And Jeff has a bee in his bonnet. He’s just heard that Mary is doing some feng shui work in her house to get another f*king opinion! Jeff is over Mary and her contrary ways. Too many cooks in his kitchen makes Jeff murdery.
Mary sends Jeff a photo of some sort of back-lit onyx bathroom, a la Carmella Soprano, 2003. Or a la Mary’s old bathroom that she just tore down. She’s also taken to hand drawing her own plans, emailing them to an increasingly furious Jeff. He wants to cut his losses with this crazy train before it goes completely off the rails – with his business on it.
Calling Mary up to dump her, Jeff eases into the conversation by hinting that her new ugly bathroom looks just like her old ugly bathroom. She’s all, no not really, ummm….feng shui and realtors and wait, I have a photo! Jeff says this is not working for him.
At his breaking point, he finally gives Mary the lowdown on what he thinks of her, ahem, design aesthetic: “Most people are going to find that tacky and offensive.” Even Jeff cringes at the brutality of his own words, but he doesn’t need to brace himself for a fight after all. Because Mary hangs up on him! Oh snap! No – the phone cuts out during his delivery! Damn. Well, no matter. He’ll just have to insult her all over again.
After Jeff calls her back, Mary admits this whole process is just freaking her out. Crying, she apologizes, but makes excuses that some people take a year to figure these things out. Jeff asks her to trust the people who are here to help her. But Mary, now angry, says this is all “bullsh*t!” Jeff ultimately cuts ties with her despite her tears. He’d rather lose money on this deal than work with Mary one more day.
The irony is not lost on Gage, however, who wryly notes that Jeff is his Mary. He’s indecisive, more than a bit scattered, and demanding. Gage wonders if Valley Vista will ever get done. And in Gage’s case, he can’t simply fire Jeff.
TELL US: IS VALLEY VISTA THE BIGGEST MISTAKE JEFF HAS EVER MADE? WAS JEFF WISE TO QUIT THE NEWPORT BEACH JOB?
Photo Credit: Bravo
