Day eight in the Couples Therapy house begins with group therapy with Dr. Jenn Berman. Today's topic is sex. So, naturally, I expect a full hour of sex tape shenanigans featuring Farrah Abraham. Yeah, not so much. The next two days of therapy revolve around Sada Bettencourt and Whitney Mixter and Ghostface Killah and Kelsey Nykole.
But first, we do hear a little bit from Jon Gosselin and Liz Jannetta, as well as Farrah. Taylor Armstrong is either too sober (and boring) or too traumatized (green towels) to score a speaking part this week. Whatever. Not hearing about Taylor and John's sex life is A-OK with me, especially since we have to revisit last week's drama, Jon masturbating. On camera. Like his Plus 8 aren't quite damaged enough already.
Jon has changed his story. Last week, he was only scratching himself. (not that anyone believed) This week, he was planning a party for one. Kind of like, last month, Jon despised media attention. (not that anyone cared) This month, he's masturbating on VH1. The only constant coming out of Jon Gosselin's mouth – everything is Kate's fault. Forever butthurt, this one. Farrah, too. Literally.
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Where were we? Jon's marriage to Kate was mostly sexless. So he's all about the sex now.
Jon says he's super attracted to Liz – and her slept-on bridal party hairdo – but she turns him down a lot. What's a horny guy to do? Well, when Liz caught Jon with his hand down his pants last week, she called him a p-ssy. Dr. Jenn says name calling is never acceptable, adding, "You shamed him and humiliated him and emasculated him." Jon refers to Liz as Kate. She wrinkles her nose.
Dr. Jenn informs Jon and Liz that they need to be more responsive to each other's hair needs.
Farrah claims sex stuff makes her feel uncomfortable. Um, really? Between the erotic novel, the porn film, the coochie mold, I couldn't tell.
The Teen Mom star says her issues date back to her dad catching her having sex at 15. Then apparently he sent a memo to her entire family and now they all judge her. "It's been kind of very odd," adds Farrah. "I'm trying to figure out my life in the whole sex arena right now."
To Farrah, dating is, "Oh, if I have sex with this person, I'm just wondering why they're wanting to have sex. I just always feel like they're trying to control me in some way and trying to f–king break me in some way, and I just quit."
Farrah comes to the conclusion that she is in a "sexual depression" right now and "things need to f–king repair" before she's able to move forward. Dr. Jenn thinks Farrah's early experiences robbed her of a healthy sex life. Now, I'm not a reality TV doctor, but I blame Farrah's personality first and foremost.
Going into Couples Therapy, Kelsey thought Ghostface could be marriage material. Oy. Honey Sprinkles Starlight needs to stop styling her My Little Pony mane so tightly.
A slouchy Ghost insists that when he is with a woman and he says she's his partner, he's good. But he never said Kelsey was his partner. Dr. Jenn points out, when a man spends a year with a woman, she feels attached whether that's been established or not. This comes as a huge shock to Ghostface – or so he says.
Kelsey says sex is special to her. When she gave herself to Ghost, it meant something to her. And she doesn't want to share. Ghost says he didn't know she felt that way – but he would have slept with her (and others at the same time) regardless. Kelsey feels disrespected. She tears up, saying, "You cool, muthaf*cka, but you ain't that cool."
Kelsey demands an apology. Dr. Jenn says Ghost is too defensive. He never listens to Kelsey, therefore, he'll never open up or admit to any wrongdoing.
Whitney and Sada never stop arguing. Not in the dark. Not in a tree. Not in a car. How they ever manage to have sex is beyond me.
Sada says Whitney doesn't initiate sex as often as she used to – and Whitney worries she's not fulfilling Sada's needs. It's a vicious cycle. A conversation about their mother/daughter roles ensues. "I'm not a child," says Sada. "That dynamic makes me feel unattractive."
Sada questions if their relationship is over. When Whitney tries to engage her, she covers her face and refuses to talk. Dr. Jenn tells Sada that her views on sex aren't realistic and veiled threats about their relationship is a bad idea.
After group, Ghost meets with Dr. Jenn alone to talk about his other woman, Latrice. Turns out, Ghostface has been emotionally and sexually involved with Latrice for two years, and then he added Kelsey into the mix a year ago. Since he has been "only" talking to Kelsey on the phone for "mad months" he feels a stronger connection to Latrice. Maybe. He's not sure.
Ghost wants Kelsey and Latrice to meet. To help HIM make a decision. To give HIM closure. Because HE is a SELFISH DOPE.
Next, Whitney and Sada talk to Dr. Jenn about their constant fighting, which leaves Whitney feeling anxious. Sadly, the regular tension feels completely normal to Sada, as she grew up in a tumultuous household. But Sada says she doesn't want to talk about her childhood and/or her parents on TV.
Dr. Jenn explains to Sada that she's internalizing her pain and taking it out on Whitney, adding, "Your relationship cannot survive like this."
Day nine in the Couples Therapy house – and Kelsey doesn't know what to do about Ghost. "Be careful," warns Dr. Jenn. "When you let someone just give you crumbs of their love, you start to believe that that's all you deserve."
When Kelsey learns about Latrice and shoots down Ghost's meeting request, he demands, "Let me get some peace since I have to go through all this right now." Kelsey walks away in disbelief. Ghost, looking downright giddy, says, "It's on now. Ain't no turning back. I just dropped a mega bomb on her. It's super on."
Ghost finds Kelsey to point out a few things. One, she brought this on herself by asking him to go to Couples Therapy with her. Two, Latrice had him first. A dumbfounded Kelsey cries, "My heart is not a f–king toy." Ghosts LAUGHS and asks her to bring him some APPLE JUICE.
Kelsey brings Ghost his juice – then she throws it in his face.
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Photo Credit: VH1
