On last night’s FINAL episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey I breathed a serious sigh of relief, opened up the wine for a guzzlet or two, and prepared to cringe. I have run out of steam with these people. I’m going to try and cover this the best I can, but there was a lot of yelling about things like Kool-aid that left me confused. So, hang in there!
The show opens with Andy’s attempts at fun by bringing up Joe G-to-the-Orga’s horniness and The Gorgasm? A montage of all the couples’ lovey-dovey moments is replayed, except for Caroline and Albert. Cause I guess they don’t have them – or Caroline just won’t discuss them. Uh-huh. Apparently Joe Gorga has a history of dressing up like a lady – it goes way back to when he was little. This is explains a lot. Did The Gorgas want two Teresas?! Ooooohhh… the stress that image just caused!
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Teresa calmly denies Juicy’s alleged affair while Caroline’s face seems to indicate she believes otherwise. Andy wants to know if Teresa believes someone like, perhaps ex-castmembers, leaked the information to the press and Teresa retorts that Jacqueline isn’t there…
Andy wants to know about The Caroline and her clan throwing Kim G out of the Gorga’s Baby Jesus Sponsored Christmas Bash. Chris and Kim’s son, Johnny G are still the best of friends and he was at her house last week. Wait – didn’t her kids move-out as she is an empty nester? Anyways, Johnny “understands” his mother is a few diamonds short of a tiara and desperate to be on TV.
Teresa questions why Caroline never made an effort to form a friendship with her son’s best friend’s mother. Um… the simple answer: that person is KIM G!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ‘nuff said. Teresa also claims she never spoke to Kim because she wanted to have Caroline and Jacqueline’s backs. Hmmm… it does seem like Teresa would have little to be annoyed with Kim G about other than the Danielle friendship and Jacqueline certainly seems to have forgiven her. Maybe I believe T on this one…
Albert’s lie to the taxpayers of NJ was briefly touched upon and Caroline claims someone falsely reported that the full apartment upstairs at The Brownstone was merely just a cot. Um… Caroline, the point is Albert’s full-time residence is not The Brownstone unless you’re admitting that you two are separated and he does not share a home with you. Any hoodle, Albert sleeps at there often and Caroline visits to watch TV. Right. I love how no one demands further explanation. I’m sure the Governor just had nothing better to do than bust Albert for his “tryst pad”. I think there is much more to this story, just as we know there is much more to Teresa’s financial issues!
The Caroline informs us her advice is always warranted. Um, ok. Teresa claims she never asked Caroline for advice. Um, ok. But she was always willing to hear it – except for where her family was concerned. Caroline announces Albie is an unemployed deputy sheriff. Oh and Lauren, well she’ll be attractive once she loses that weight. Nice, Caroline. <<eye roll>>
Andy (not T?!) brings up the Dina/Caroline feud. Caroline denies any responsibility and insinuates that a certain person we all know, but don’t necessarily all love is responsible – and that person is Teresa! She poisoned Dina with lies and Caroline has texts and emails! Ok, please. Dina certainly doesn’t seem easily influenced by anyone and that may be the problem – as Caroline wants people to be easily influence by her! Teresa wants Caroline to “bring it!”
Melissa wonders what happened to Teresa? She used to be a nice girl… oh, wait maybe not. Anyways, now she’s turned evil! Teresa freaks out that she is being honest and they are all fake. Well you’re right – they’re all fake, including Teresa! Melissa astutely points out that Teresa can’t stand to be called out. Teresa threatens to bring Dina to the show, except she wouldn’t come because she can’t stand to be around Caroline!
Melissa screams that Dina and Teresa weren’t speaking for the last six months and just started speaking again. And Dina actually just confirmed that on her blog (kinda)! Caroline maintains she has not spoken to Dina for about 3 months, which Teresa emphatically denies, claiming it’s since Dina left the show. Dina also confirms this on her blog.
Caroline snipes that she could be in tabloids all the time but chooses to be a mother instead. Are we sure the tabloids want Caroline? She’s a little boring where as Teresa is A LOT crazy and that sells magazines. It’s Teresa’s turn to wonder what happened to someone since fame? Caroline says Teresa happened to her and her family. Haha! I believe Teresa could take a toll on anyone.
It’s perfect that this reunion takes place in a theater, because this is the worst of the worst over-dramatic acting ever by Caroline. I just don’t even know who is less capable of taking responsibility for their actions: Caroline or Teresa. And Melissa “family is everything” Gorga, leaping to Caroline’s defense when she has known her what, a year? The only person I can condone here is Kathy –baklava, or not.
Teresa evokes Caroline to “practice what she preaches before talking about other peoples’ families!” Teresa actually has a point there – especially when she adds that Caroline doesn’t speak to three of her eleven siblings. And since she claims family is everything!
Changing the subject to people who can’t argue back – Jacqueline’s and Ashlee’s tempestuous relationship is broached. Andy puts Kathy in an uncomfortable situation by asking how she would handle Victoria if started acting like Ashlee – Kathy tactfully answers while Caroline stares her down.
Teresa somehow turns talk of Victoria’s tumor into what an amazing person she is and how supportive she was. Huh? Teresa insists she doesn’t sweat the small stuff. Ummm… Delusional much? Teresa denies pettiness, as just wanting to jab back at jabs. <<sigh>> Color me confused!
Teresa blames Richie for keeping her distance from Kathy over the years. Andy is kinda mean to Teresa – meaner to her than he is to any of the other ladies, as he calls her out for mispronouncing distance as “distanth.” Kathy explains Juicy used to laugh at Richie busting on Teresa, leading Richie to believe it was all in fun. Teresa explains Juicy just never wanted to cause problems in her family Who knows what to think?
Finally Audriana being left unattended at the christening is the topic. I am relieved that Melissa finally admitted her children were in danger too. Teresa is upset because no mother wants to be told she is a bad parent – fair enough – and because it was her brother’s christening, she felt Audriana was surrounded by family. Like Kathy? Eventually Teresa admits she over-reacted.
The Christmas Eve debacle is addressed. Teresa feels Christmas Eve is her night (not Santa’s?) and they always spend it together and was hurt the Gorgas left early.
Caroline shrieks that Teresa should be happy for that hour and calls her selfish! And everyone is screaming and pointing. Caroline calls it “ridiculous”- I agree. Juicy’s “Raccoon Face” comment is brought up and Teresa defends Joe by claiming it was about Kathy, not Melissa. #crickets… Melissa admonishes Teresa to “stop it!” Seriously!
At this point I’m as dumbfounded and confused as Teresa. Andy wonders if Teresa is able to get past her point of view to consider other perspectives. Kathy is embarrassed by Teresa’s reaction to her wanting to talk at Brownstone after the Christening. Teresa felt it was not the time to discuss it and would have rather gotten a phone call than an on camera approach. Fair point.
Andy asks if Kathy and Teresa are in a good place? Caroline sarcastically asks Kathy – Are you? Caroline – if you really care about family, if Kathy and Melissa are really your friends – don’t make your issues with Teresa theirs. Also, calling Teresa “f—king insane” to her SIL? This is Danielle 2.0 with Caroline. Not a good side of her.
Melissa insists none of the Gorga issues are her fault and she has nothing to gain by breaking up Joey’s family. Except she kinda did in coming on RHONJ. She had C-List celebrity to gain! The competitiveness of Terissa is covered and there is an argument about “copy-catting” Andy asks Melissa about Joe’s two (I thought 3?) broken engagements before her and Melissa claims they couldn’t get along with Teresa or Joe’s family! Ouch.
Teresa and Melissa launch into an argument about how Melissa’s wedding was different from Antonia’s Christening because the Christening was more over the top and less American. Melissa keeps trying to get Teresa to insult her wedding, but Teresa keeps insisting it was beautiful, but different from traditional Italian way and Melissa’s style changed after being married. I think that was genuinely a miscommunication between the two. Teresa has a very traditional take on things and Melissa is not the daughter of first-generation immigrants so as she grew into her marriage and learned about her husband’s family, her events evolved to fit that role. I think Teresa may have been trying to explain that, but Teresa never quite says anything right.
Teresa is asked if she regrets anything she said about Melissa this season. Teresa is drawing a blank (seriously?), so Melissa gets out her hand-dandy list of Teresa’s infractions – after reading off several, including the one about how Melissa married Joe for his money; Teresa relents that she regrets saying Melissa fills Joey’s head with poison. As for Melissa, her only regret (and she doesn’t really regret it at all) is inferring the Guidices didn’t pay their bills. She is also livid that Teresa announced on national TV that Joey owes someone money after the Gorgas refrained from talking about all the Giudice financial issues – and as we know, there are many. Point for Team Melis! Although, do the Gorgas have finacial issues as well?
The menz feuding is revisited and there is some dispute about when the disagreements began. Teresa claims it was over business. Melissa explains that Juicy insulted Joe’s professional accomplishments and never just said “good job” when Joey looked up to Juicy as an older brother. I’m taking Teresa’s silence as a tacit agreement on this one.
Andy again revisits Joe Gudice’s use of the F-word gay slur. Teresa tries to exonerate her hubby by claiming all the men say that to each other (and I do remember Richie using that word once) and they have a lot of gay friends. Andy is not having it and wants Teresa to set Juicy straight – she’s tried, apparently and there is no malice! Joe is just Joe and everyone defends him, kinda of just being as being “un-ducated” and simple-minded.
Teresa pauses before answering if Juicy has a drinking problem. Teresa is asked if she ever blames Juicy for anything, as she seems to hold her brother and Melissa more accountable for the family relationship not going well than she does Juicy. Teresa denies this, but I wonder if she just wants to be in denial about Juicy’s actions.
Andy asks if Teresa thinks she and Joey are good role models for their children (What about Melissa?), Teresa concurs they are not but she has been asking Gia (?!) for advice about mending fences and Caroline immediately inserts her opinion. Caroline thinks Gia’s song is a “disgrace.” More so than “On Display”?
Melissa and Kathy argue that Gia is exposed to too much adult information, but Teresa claims Gia forms her own opinions, as she is very smart. Teresa throws in Caroline’s face that her children aren’t perfect either, but Caroline is very upset about Teresa’s lack of parenting and thinks the song was wrong. I think Caroline was out of line there. Teresa retaliates that Caroline doesn’t care about Gia. Kathy also feels the song shouldn’t have been presented on TV, but Teresa claims it was a surprise. Caroline accuses Teresa of using Gia. Teresa tells her to go scratch. So Caroline scratches her butt. Classy!
Isn’t Caroline pissed that Teresa insulted her adult son in a cookbook but she is screaming about a ten-year-old on national TV for singing a heart-wrenching song?
Andy ends on a nice note and asks what family means to each of the ladies. Kathy defines family as love. Teresa feels family sticks together. Melissa describes family as loyalty and respect. Caroline explains family is a group of people bound together by blood. Caroline becomes extremely emotional and apologizes to Dina and her parents; describing family as the people you count on not friends. Friendsgiving, anyone?
Caroline is not crying about her lost friendship with Teresa and describes Teresa as an “acquaintance.” Teresa is shocked that people can turn on you so quickly.
Watch What Happens Live: The guests are Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos. Kelly’s fave part of the reunion is the shininess of everyone’s hair. And she wants to see the Dina emails. Ditto!
Kelly thinks the RHONJ dysfunction makes everyone else feel better about their own Thanksgivings! Kelly is Team Teresa based on the reunion and feels like it was 3:1 with unwarranted blame lobbed at Teresa. Ripa-Consuela sing-off: Kelly is “On Display” (and again better than the original!) and Mark covers Gia’s songs!
All My Housewives Game! Impersonation Time. HAHAHAHAHAHA – is all I have to say! Andy wants to know who has a hotter sex life – Gorgas or Consuelos? Mark let’s us know he doesn’t have any poison left. Blech!
The Poll Question is: Was Andy too hard on Teresa at the reunion? No by 61%! Are you surprised?
After the mess we are calling a reunion –the Wakile/Gorga men rallied, both posting Tweets offering love for Teresa and their families. I hope next season and any subsequent ones we see happier, closer sides of these families. Until next season: Jersey Wishes and Bridge & Tunnel Dreams!
THOUGHTS ON THE REUNION? WAS TERESA GANGED UP ON OR DID SHE DESERVE IT? WAS CAROLINE OUT OF LINE INSULTING GIA’S SONG? DO YOU THINK THE GORGAWADICES WILL EVER GET ALONG?
