Oh my, it’s another installment in the “Guess What? I’m Really Pregnant!” show! Otherwise known as The Rachel Zoe Project! Isn’t this show supposed to be about fashion?
In episode 4, Rodger ditches his pregnant wife for a boys night in Vegas as his last hurrah before fatherhood, Rachel whines about missing fashion week, and Jeremiah has a week to totally redecorate Rachel’s new enormous house using only shades of white. And it’s pretty much an advertisement for a future line of RZ Home products – brought to you by BSC (The Bravo Shopping Channel)!
As Rodger leaves for Vegas, Rachel is furious that he is leaving his wife while she is 8.5 months pregnant to spend 24-hours without her for the first time in 20-years. Rachel reveals she is letting him off his leash for the day because she doesn’t want to be the “bitchy pregnant wife.” She doesn’t? Rachel tells Rodger he can’t spend all their money, only she is allowed to do that.
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While Rodger is in Vegas reliving his glory days, Rachel will be watching a Twilight marathon and eating (eating?!) popcorn with Joey, her rent-a-friend. Rachel isn’t worried about Rodger going to stripclubs, because he hates lapdances and hookers. And as she stands in front of the microwave burning popcorn, she lets Joey know pregnant women shouldn’t stand in front of the microwave because it can hurt the fetus. Oh.
In Vegas, 42-year-old Rodger is pounding the drinks, gleeful to escape his horrible imprisoned existence as Mr. Rachel Zoe. Rodger calls Rachel to check in and you can tell all his friends definitely hate her. They are staying at a suite in The Palms (which is conveniently owned by Adrienne Maloof). Rodger starts the night off with a toast to his unborn son; may he be healthy, nice, and macho!
The next morning Rodger awakes to the remnants of fried food and recoils in horror. He couldn’t have… eaten… all that .. grease?! Now he must fast for weeks to fit into his skin-tight moob revealing t-shirts!
Bravo provides us with The Hangover style flashbacks of their wild night. And seriously, why are the copying The Hangover and expecting us to believe that Rodger, whose wife carries his balls around in the pocket of her Chanel Fantasy Tweed spent $1000 bucks at a strip club and got uproariously drunk? Likely he sat in the limo texting her every five minutes!
To make up for abandoning her during fashion week when she is too pregnant to travel, Rodger tries to call Rachel who is sending him straight to VM. So he has to call her gay husband Joey for the report. Rachel is shopping. And spending poor Baby Zoe’s college fund on vintage Chanel and some gross Blanche Deveraux looking get-up.
Rachel‘s not resentful, not at all, and she’s totes fine with missing NY Fashion Week because all she cares about is her little peanut, the unborn child she is carrying lovingly in her uterus. All she thinks about is him… when she sprays a hoard of hairspray around her face, when she stands in front of the microwave lovingly watching the popcorn, while she runs around in 6 inch heels eating nothing and drinking Perrier. All she thinks about is unborn Baby Zoe.
As she shows off her new vintage purchases to Mandana I am distracted by wondering who is more annoying wannabe Rachel – Mandana or real life Rachel? To make up for leaving her Rodger calls the concierge and purchases a Birkin Bag charm for Rachel. He’s pleased, that after Joey texted him about getting her a present, he remembered in the midst of his drunken stupor. Rodger does feel bad that he is lying to Rachel about how he procured the gift – telling her he left the game to go to Hermes and pick it up himself. Nothing like a relationship built on trust and honesty! Rachel loves the gift; and Rodger – she doesn’t love him quite as much. If only he were capable of gestation and could share her pain…
Oscar madness is upon Team Zoe as Rachel is styling hostess Anne Hathaway for a million different outfit changes. Meanwhile in the middle of all of this Rachel is shooting a commercial for a lipstick line she endorses. On the set Rachel is exhausted and stressed out and keeps forgetting her lines. Rodger keeps reminding her to “chill,” so Rachel ad-libs it telling a story about how when she met Rodger he remembered her lips. Cute!
While Rachel is shooting her commercial, Jerewhina has 5-days left to procure ALL the furniture for her massive new rental. And he is rushing around town ordering everything white in the LA-area. And what if she doesn’t like it?! Or what if it doesn’t show up in time! Jerewhinah is under a tremendous amount of pressure – everything must be perfect and completed before a prego Rachel moves in.
Marissa informs Rachel they have 24-hours to move out of their condo because the building won’t let them move on a Saturday (?). Rachel has serious concerns about her couture and archival collection be handled by strangers, so Marissa and the fashion assistants will have to move her entire closet themselves. Is there a reason why the Zoes didn’t plan ahead a little more for this move and possibly pack in advance?
Rachel and Rodger can’t help cause she’s pregnant and pregnant women aren’t allowed to do anything and I don’t know what Rodger’s excuse is. They are on lock-down in a 5-star hotel watching videos of NY Fashion Week while Rachel complains constantly that she can’t attend and spends her time calling designers and planning how to turn her son gay or wondering if infants are good accessories at fashion shows? If that boy likes sports, I am convinced Rachel will disown him.
Everything is going wrong with the move; the movers are late and none of the furniture ‘whinah ordered is arriving. When Joey shows up to harass Jerewhinah the only thing there is a vintage Versace rug, that Joey calls “used.” Joey keeps reminding Jeremiah if anything goes wrong it will be his fault. That’s helpful!
Things start to look up as some of the furniture arrives, but the Master Bedroom Suite is no where to be found. Um… they couldn’t have used their old bedroom furniture? Because nothing is done, Jeremiah sleeps on the floor after working all night and gets up at the crack of dawn to finish the decorating job. Just a quick query – where is the furniture from the condo? They didn’t use any of it but the yellow lamps?
The bedroom furniture arrives minutes before Rachel and Rodger do. And and they love everything! They are blown away by the house, which does look phenomenal. Rodger wonders how all the brand-new white stuff is going to fare with a puking baby, but Rachel is just thinking she’ll quarantine the infant in a different room of the house. This baby is not going to change anything about the lavish, self-absorbed, materialistic life of the impenetrable Rachel Zoe!
Rachel is so impressed with the job ‘miah did she doesn’t think he should be doing clothes, when home design is his calling. But as Jeremiah informs us there is no Rachel Zoe home division … YET!
Next week: Anne Hathaway at the Oscars, oh my god. And Rachel is sick. Oh, and she hates life. Luckily, her sister Pamela ditches her kids again to baby-sit Rachel and listen to her freak out and complain!
Thoughts on the episode? Did you think Rachel was over-reacting about Rodger going to Vegas or should he have stayed home with his very pregnant wife? What did you think of her new house?
