A new episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County aired last night on Bravo bringing us some fake boobs & faker friendships, a “sexy” Spain vacation, a filler vow renewal ceremony, and most importantly some excellent evidence footage for certain Coto employees, just in case they ever decide to file a certain sexual harassment lawsuit.
The episode begins with Vicki taking some time out of her very busy work schedule to go on a boat ride with Donn and the kids. And no she didn’t bring her laptop, believe me – I was looking for it. But unfortunately for Vicki’s family, fun Vicki is only reserved for her helpless employees as she is more of a Debbie Downer on the boat.
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Next we discover Tamra and her beau Eddie are going to Spain for 10 days! 10 whole days. Nothing wrong with a little vacay but a bit surprised anyone would want to go away for that long with a boyfriend considering they have 3 young children at home. Personally, I prefer to keep my vacays under 7 days but then again that might be because that’s all I can afford. Tamra reveals the kids are staying with her mom and not Simon, whom she did not tell about the trip. While in the car with Eddie, Tamra brings up a text message she received from Alexis scolding her for bringing mace to her party. Eddie looks to be over the convo and Tammy Sue promises to bring a dildo to the next party on Jesus lane.
Alexis and Gretchen also sit to discuss the party, and Alexis doesn’t appreciate Tamra’s joke at Gretchen’s expense. Gretchen, who might or might not have been banging her ex Jay while her deceased fiance Jeff battled cancer, feels like Tamra has really bad timing when it comes to her wit. Alexis agrees and just wants the ladies to stop one upping each other with “the below the belts,” well at least not at her events.
Back on the boat, we discover Vicki Downer brought along some of her work family, aka her employees who probably make fun of her behind her back, to her special day with her husband and kids. As Vicki carries on a work convo with one of the employees, Donn honks the horn, trying to get his wife to pay attention to him. Vicki doesn’t want Briana to become an alcoholic like her daddy, and continues to talk about her love for work again. And I ask, why doesn’t Vicki just get an assistant? If anyone deserves an assistant surely it’s Vicki and not Kim Zolciak, who actually works hard and operates her own successful business. Oh never mind, as getting some help would mean she could no longer carry her laptop around and make herself the center of attention at every public outing by talking on her cell phone and constantly checking her emails.
It’s time for the boring filler storyline as Gretchen continues to plan her parent’s surprise vow renewal ceremony with the help of her biyatcha/jobless boyfriend. Gretchen runs down a list of things that need to get done (what happened to her mogul career?) and Slade better get them done or else!
Peggy is ready for some new accessories as she heads to her plastic surgeon to get her boobs re-done. Peggy informs us the new boobs will help with her postpartum depression though I’m not quite sure that came from the surgeon general. Accompanying her is hubby Micah, who might or might not be the funniest and most likable Bravo housewives husband. Micah reveals he will be stepping into the surgery room during the procedure to help give some pointers on his wife’s pizza job. Micah feels the left boob is still a bit off and the surgeon shuts him down citing he is not a miracle worker. Following the procedure, a still out of it Peggy perks up right away when she sees the diamonds her hubby got her. A Bentley for pushing out babies, and diamonds for getting new boobies. Ah, the joys of being an OC housewife! Somewhere Alexis is reeling with jealousy and planning to get some new twins of her own, perhaps a butt job this go around. Mama needs to one up her faux BFF!
Back at her office, it’s a new day and Vicki decides to greet her work family by stepping into each of their cubicles and feeling up their chests. Her son Michael pretends not to hear his crazy mom boss while the others have no choice but to engage the lady who signs their paychecks. Donn pays her a visit and Vicki states in her interview she doesn’t feel respected at home like she does at work. Oh Vicky, that’s because you pay them to respect you. And then holy inappropriateness! Vicki calls in one of her employees Danielle and scolds her for taking unapproved time off work. “I think you deserve a spanking,” says Vicki and at this point I’m thinking no, no way in hell she is going to spank an adult woman on national television, but she does. “Come over here,” says Vicki then proceeding to go over to Danielle and spank her twice. “No more excuses. No more spankings. Go back to work. Love you,” adds Vicki. WOOOOWZERS! How extremely inappropriate.
It’s the day of the vow renewal surprise thingy for Gretchen‘s parents and the surprise filled weekend begins with a rented mustang. “Thank God for Slade,” says Gretchen stating she couldn’t have planned the surprises without him. Oh Gretch, what else is he going to do? He doesn’t have a job sweetie! And once again Gretchen reflects on her first marriage, her engagement to Jeff, why she’s scared to marry Slade and are you as bored with this storyline as I am?
Back in Spain, Tamra continues to live out her teenage dreams with Eddie, making out at random intervals and taking plenty pics. “You can definitely take the girl out of Orange County, but you cannot take the shopping whore out of me,” says Tammy Sue. And for someone who has traveled the world a lot , Eddie sure seems to enjoy taking a ton of photos. The two sit down to eat, Tamra criticizes herself old women for letting their boobs hang out, and the topic of kids comes up. Eddie wants a little Eduardo, Tamra doesn’t at age 43, but tells him what he wants to hear to reel him in. Clas-sy.
Next we see a classic case of textbook frenemies as Alexis pays Peggy a visit following her boob job. Alexis, who has mastered the art of post boob job hugs, comes bearing food and the scene almost melts your heart that is until we get a glimpse of the ladies’ comments in their interviews. Peggy reveals she decided against getting Alexis’ circus tits so people can look her in the eyes during convos while Alexis gets a little nastier stating Peggy got a hack job and should have visited her surgeon instead. Meow!
Gretchen and Slade continue to prepare for the vow renewal ceremony and Dear Bravo, if I never see another vow renewal on your network again, it will be a-okay with me. Slade and Gretch’s kinda hot? dad Scott step away to talk and Scott repeats a joke he made last season about stepping into a pile of Slade. Slade feels Scott needs some new material while I disagree because that joke is a classic, hence it never gets old.
Gretchen is helping her mom get ready with hair and make-up, and proceeds to praise her mother for raising her right with plenty of integrity. “When people talk about me, they say I’m a woman of integrity,” reveals Gretchen. Um who are these people and where can I find them?
Lovebirds Tamra and Eddie continue their Spain vacay and once again Tamra praises Eddie for being the anti-Simon, stating unlike her ex, Eddie gets her humor. Pan to Bravo airing an old clip of Tamra and Simon with Tamra calling herself a truck driver with tits. No argument there. And while a part of me wants to be happy for Tamra, for being able to find love again after a divorce, she makes it rather hard with her antics and recent shenanigans. She seems to have completely gone way off track in asserting her independence and sticking it to Simon, that she fails to realize she is making herself look trashy and hurting her kids. Right after the infamous bath tub scene aired, she expressed remorse and regret, only to take it back and own her trashy actions. At this point, she seems a bit lost and might indeed be going through a mid-life crisis.
Gretchen‘s parents have their renewal ceremony, re-tie the knot, tears are shed and yaddi yaddi yadda, good for them. In Spain, Tamra decides to plan a surprise picnic for her and Eddie. Eddie is happy, they make out, more Simon bashing, they call each other baby a 1000 more times, more making out, more vomiting – oh scratch that last one, and the episode ends. Next week looks to be rather juicy as Gretchen threatens to leave her bitch Slade on the side of the road for not obeying her orders. Good times.
Watch What Happens Live – A solid show with guests Peggy Tanous and comedian Jay Mohr. The highlight of the show was when Jay revealed Gretchen and Slade came to one of his shows and actually trashed Tamra while also telling him that Tamra’s boyfriend Eddie was gay. Whoa – shots fired! That was unexpected. When a fan tweeted Tamra about the comment last night, she replied “they don’t even know Eddie ?” and then added “ya finally show their true colors…. Not so nice!” Oddly enough, Tamra and Eddie will be guests on WWHL next week. It should be an interesting show!
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